TOW The Caribbean Cruise
by Peanuts
Summary: What happens when Monica decides to take her honeymoon cruise despite her broken engagement to Chandler, and he unexpectedly shows up? Thanks so much for your wonderful reviews. : The Epilogue has been added. :
1. Default Chapter

TOW The Caribbean Cruise  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Monica Geller leaned forward against the railing of the cruise ship "Coral Sea", letting the warm evening breeze relax her. With her dark hair hanging loosely down the back of her colorful sundress, she watched with wistful blue eyes as the sun all but disappeared and the fiery sky turned a softer pinkish-purple. She knew unlimited stars would soon glitter in the sky like diamonds against black velvet. The scenery was breathtaking, and if she didn't feel so hollow inside, she might have actually enjoyed her surroundings.  
  
She sighed heavily and looked to her right and then to her left. Yes, she told herself sadly, he's not here to share all this loveliness with you.  
  
The second day of her Caribbean cruise had been much like the first: lonely and depressing. It wasn't supposed to be that way. This was to have been her honeymoon cruise. But when her hopes and dreams for a life with Chandler Bing had fallen apart, so had she. And when time was not doing its job by mending her broken heart, she decided to take the cruise. It was already paid for, and she needed to get away from everyone and everything in New York City. She looked down at the bare third finger of her left hand where her diamond ring used to sit proudly: most of all, she needed time to get over her broken engagement to Chandler.  
  
As the ship sailed further out to sea, she wondered if there was enough time and space to help her get over the man she had planned to spend the rest of her life with.  
  
**Flashback - New Year's Eve 2000**  
  
"Chandler, hurry up," Monica urged. "The guests will be arriving in twenty minutes."  
  
"I'm ready," he said, emerging from the bedroom he shared with Monica dressed in a black pullover sweater and black trousers.  
  
Despite their earlier argument, he couldn't help but notice how lovely his fiancée looked in her new red dress with her hair pulled back in a twist.  
  
"You look fantastic," he said sincerely.  
  
She smiled. "Thanks. You look very handsome. I don't want to fight anymore, Chandler. Do you think we could forget about our wedding plans, just for tonight?"  
  
"The way you've been talking lately, I thought you wanted to forget our wedding plans altogether."  
  
"I never said that! Why are you purposely baiting me? I said maybe, maybe we should think about changing the date, just to give us more time to sort out our differences, but I never said I wanted to call off the wedding!"  
  
"Yeah, okay, whatever. I still think the gang should know that the wedding might not take place on the date we announced. They have a right to know."  
  
"Even if we haven't decided to postpone our nuptials?"  
  
Chandler gave her a hard stare. "Oh, I think that's been decided."  
  
With a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, Monica began to arrange the food on the kitchen table while Chandler readied the drinks.   
  
"I guess we should've canceled the party," she said softly.   
  
"We can get through this," he said, not showing much enthusiasm. "Once the guests arrive, we won't have to be around each other that much. It should help."  
  
Monica nodded but her heart sank. Is this what their relationship had come to? Trying to find ways not to be around each other instead of longing to spend time together? Monica felt as though she were on a runaway train and the only thing ahead of her was a solid brick wall.   
  
**  
  
With the party in full swing, Monica and Chandler tried their best to look and act like the happy couple their friends thought they were.  
  
"Great party, Mon," Joey Tribbiani said, placing a quick kiss on his friend's cheek.  
  
"Yeah," Phoebe Buffay said and smiled. "Just think. This is the last New Year's Eve you and Chandler will spend as single adults."  
  
"Yes, it is." Monica's uncharacteristic quietness was not lost on her friends.  
  
"I didn't mean that as a bad thing," Phoebe said.  
  
"No, I know. And it's true, right?"  
  
She managed a smile for her friends before Chandler approached them.  
  
"Did Monica tell you the latest?" he asked.  
  
He appeared to be as uneasy as Monica.  
  
"No," Monica said. "I didn't tell them."  
  
"Tell us what?" Phoebe pressed.  
  
"It's nothing," Monica said, glaring at her fiancé.  
  
"If you call changing the wedding date nothing," Chandler responded, his voice heavy with sarcasm.  
  
"What?!" Joey said. "Aww, man, when did this happen?"  
  
Phoebe felt the negative vibes and knew they needed to leave.  
  
"C'mon, Joey, let's mingle," Phoebe said. "They need to be alone."  
  
"No, Pheebs, wait," Chandler said. "I didn't mean to chase you away. I just thought our closest friends should know about the change."  
  
"It's okay," she said, nodding knowingly. "Monica, I'm sure you have your reasons. I'll catch up with you later. I haven't talked to Ross or Rachel."  
  
"Yeah," Joey said, following his friend's lead after she nudged him in the ribs, "I haven't eaten in like ten minutes, so you know I'm overdue."  
  
"Why did you do that?" Monica pounced on Chandler as soon as they were alone.   
  
"I told you our closest friends have a right to know. Hey, it's the only decision I've gotten to make!"  
  
"Don't start this again. Not tonight."  
  
"You started this by saying you wanted to change the date."  
  
"Maybe, I said maybe."  
  
"Why, Monica?" Chandler asked, really wanting to know. He'd asked her before, but she always managed to avoid answering him directly. "Why are we even talking about changing the date? If you don't want to marry me, just say so. Let's get this over with, okay?"  
  
"It's not that easy, and you know it. I never said I didn't want to marry you, Chandler. Maybe it's you. Would you be relieved if I told you I wanted to call off the wedding? Would you?"  
  
"At this moment, yes," Chandler said, knowing he didn't really mean that or did he?   
  
Lately, he was so confused, he didn't know what he wanted. But he knew he didn't want to enter into marriage arguing with his bride over every single detail of the wedding. But that's what it had come to. There wasn't one thing they agreed on. Anymore.  
  
"You said we wouldn't talk about this tonight. I'm holding you to that. I need to talk to Rachel. Excuse me."  
  
In a huff, she brushed past him. He watched as she mingled with the crowd on her way to find Rachel. She turned in his direction for a brief moment and then looked away. Chandler realized he was quickly running out of ideas of how to make their relationship work. He didn't like the direction his thoughts were taking.  
  
**  
  
"Hey, man, what's going on with you and Monica?" Joey asked, a short time later. "You're not really postponing the wedding, are you?"  
  
He and Phoebe had noticed a subdued Chandler leaning against the kitchen counter.   
  
"I don't know, Joe. Monica and I get along fine until we try to discuss the wedding. We aren't agreeing on much these days."  
  
"You should leave everything to Monica," Phoebe advised. "You know she's been planning this like forever. Are you gonna mess with that?"  
  
"No. I'm going along with almost everything she wants. But I think I should have some say about my guests, don't you? I also don't think it's too much to ask that I have some input about the dinner menu. Even if she is a head chef, she's not the only one who's going to be eating the food."  
  
"So, talk calmly and rationally about it. Don't freak out, Chandler, and don't make Monica doing something...well, you know, Monica-like."  
  
"I think I've been doing that, Phoebe," Chandler challenged. "I'm starting to think the way I feel goes deeper than the wedding."  
  
"Whaddya mean?" Joey asked.  
  
Chandler shrugged as he ran his index finger along the countertop. "I dunno. Is it wrong of me to want some say in all of this? As long as we keep things on the surface, we're fine. But the minute I express a different opinion or question something I don't like, Monica bristles and we start arguing. I don't want our marriage to be like that."  
  
"Tell her that," Joey encouraged. "Monica will know where you're coming from."  
  
"It's just going to lead to more fighting. I knew this was going to be a disaster. I love Monica, I do, but I just don't know if I'm ever going to be husband material. And if I can't be the husband she wants, then what's the point?"  
  
"The point is you guys love each other," Phoebe said. "You have to talk to her, Chandler. You can't just give up!"  
  
"Yeah," Joey said, stabbing his index finger into his best friend's chest. "What Phoebe said. Chandler, don't start freaking out."  
  
Chandler's eyes darted across the room and landed on Monica, who was having an intense conversation with Rachel. Her furrowed brow and tight-lipped expression told him all he needed to know.  
  
"Look at her," Chandler said, nodding in Monica's direction. "She's not happy. We're making each other miserable. I bet she's having the same conversation with Rachel that I'm having with you. We can only pretend for so long. I'm starting to think this was not meant to be."  
  
Chandler grabbed his coat from a hook on the wall, preparing to slip out of the apartment, hopefully unnoticed.  
  
"Where are you going?" Phoebe asked.  
  
"I need some air. I'm going for a walk. Tell Monica I'll be back later."  
  
"Hey, man," Joey whispered, gripping his friend's shoulder, "whatever you do, don't do what Ross did. You and Monica are not on a break, and she will never forgive you if you manage to screw this up that badly. Know what I mean?"  
  
"Yeah," Chandler said, amazed at his friend's insight and advice, "I won't do anything stupid. I promise. I just need some time to myself."  
  
**  
  
"Where did Chandler go?" Monica asked Phoebe as soon as she realized he was not in their apartment.  
  
"He needed some air," Phoebe explained.  
  
"It's freezing out there! He wanted to get away from me, didn't he?"  
  
"No," Joey said, quickly jumping into the conversation. "He really needed some air, Mon. That's all."  
  
"I bet I find him at Central Perk," Monica said. "He's probably brooding over a latte. What a great New Year's Eve this is turning out to be!"  
  
"Monica, don't jump to conclusions," Ross Geller, her older brother, said. "Maybe he really just needed a few minutes alone."  
  
"Well, I'm not waiting for him to return. I'm going to find him."  
  
"Mon, Mon," Rachel Green said, trying to stop her friend before she said or did something she would regret, "let him have this time. You know he's going to come back to you."  
  
"He left because he doesn't agree about our wedding plans and because we've been arguing so much. I have to talk to him. You know what he'll do if I let him think too long by himself."  
  
Despite their best intentions, they ended up nodding as they realized Monica was right.   
  
"So you agree I should go to him?"  
  
They all mumbled their acquiescence. Monica smiled triumphantly and pulled on her coat.  
  
"That's it then. I'm off to the coffeehouse. Ross, Rachel, assume the hosting duties. Please."  
  
"Sure, Mon," Rachel said and smiled weakly. "Whatever you need. You know we're here for you."  
  
"And Chandler," Joey felt obliged to add. He didn't know what was going to happen between Monica and Chandler, but Chandler was his best friend, and he wanted to make sure his interests were protected, too. He knew Chandler would do the same for him.  
  
Monica gave them a wan smile and told them she'd be back soon, with Chandler.  
  
**  
  
Just as she suspected, Chandler was sitting by himself at a table, a large green coffee cup next to him. She entered the almost deserted coffeehouse and tentatively approached his table. She noticed he was writing on a napkin.  
  
"Hey," she said softly.  
  
He looked up, surprised to see her.  
  
"Hey," he responded, his voice low. "Have a seat."  
  
After she had settled in, he asked her how she knew he would be at Central Perk.  
  
"I didn't think you would go far in this weather, and I figured this place wouldn't be busy. May I ask what you're writing?"  
  
Chandler returned his pen to his coat pocket and folded the napkin in half.  
  
"It's nothing. Sometimes, an idea or two will come to me. I never do anything with them, but they won't leave me alone until I jot them down. Once they're on paper, they're harmless. You want a coffee or a hot cocoa?"  
  
"No, thanks. I'm hoping we won't be here that long. We are hosting the party, Chandler. Don't you want to come back to the apartment?"  
  
"Sure," he said. "I can paste a smile on my face for the next two or three hours. Let's go."  
  
"No," Monica said, refusing the offer of his hand. "Not like this. We're not okay, Chandler, and I hate that. If I have to force you to smile, then something's wrong. If you want to stay here, that's fine."  
  
"I'm tired of fighting, Monica. I don't want you to be unhappy, but I don't want to be unhappy either. How do we accomplish that?"  
  
"We keep working at our relationship. Don't give up on us, Chandler. I believe in us. Don't you?"  
  
"I used to, and I want to again. But we're not even married yet, and I already feel like we are. That's not good, Monica. For you to want to postpone the wedding, you must be experiencing the same thing."  
  
"I admit the fighting has left me weary and drained, but it's just because I want our wedding to be perfect. If we can't agree on things, then we're not going to be happy. I thought by changing the wedding date, we'd be giving ourselves more time to figure things out and get back on track. Isn't that what you want? Or do you...do you want to call the whole thing off?"  
  
He saw the tears glistening in her expressive eyes and knew how hard it was for her to say those words. He also knew his words weren't going to be any easier.  
  
"I have to be honest, Monica. The way things are between us right now, I can't see us getting married."  
  
"Oh, man."  
  
Fumbling, she finally managed to pull a napkin from its container and dabbed at her wet eyes. After she tossed the napkin on the table, Chandler reached across to clasp her hands in his. The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt her, but they couldn't keep dancing around the issues between them.  
  
"I'm saying this because I don't want our marriage to be a disaster, Mon. And I feel that's what it would be. If we can't agree about the wedding, how can we agree on the issues that will affect our union? I'm not sure I can do this. Our fights are bringing back too many bad memories for me. I never want to hurt you, but I know I have. I'm sorry about that. I'm terrified I'm going to hurt you more. I feel like everything I say now is strained. There's too much tension. We're either walking on eggshells around each other or we're snapping at every little thing that's said. Our easy camaraderie is gone. I miss that. Don't you?"  
  
Looking at their joined hands, she nodded as a single tear slid down each cheek.  
  
"I do. I miss my best friend. I used to be able to tell you everything. I haven't felt comfortable around you for a while. I'm sorry, too. Maybe it is better if we postpone the wedding."  
  
"Yeah," Chandler said, wiping her tear away with the pad of his thumb, "you mean too much to me, Monica. I think we should take a break from all this."  
  
Hearing the word "break" snapped Monica to attention. Her eyes pleaded for his understanding. "Don't say that word, Chandler. Just don't. Please."  
  
"Sorry. Bad choice of words. But you know what I mean, right?"  
  
"Sort of. I know we're not happy, and I know it's wrong to pretend we are. What do we do? Where do we go from here?"  
  
Chandler held her hands tighter and cleared his voice before speaking.  
  
"I think it's best if, just for a little while, I move out."  
  
"Where would you go?"  
  
Monica stared at their joined hands, refusing to let go. She willed herself to handle this situation maturely.  
  
"Maybe to a hotel."  
  
She looked up and saw that he was as miserable as she was.  
  
"What happened to us, Chandler? How did it come to this?"  
  
"I'm not sure. That's why I think it's better if we're apart for a while. We need the space. It won't be forever. Right?"  
  
Monica nodded but couldn't stop the tears from flowing. She'd wanted a little more time. She told herself she needed space to breathe. But now that Chandler had told her he was leaving, she already missed him. And the way he looked at her caused her to tremble. What if they couldn't work things out? What if this was how their relationship ended? What would she do if they were never together again?  
  
**End of Flashback**   
  
Sighing, Monica straightened from the rail. She had slowly begun to accept the inevitable with respect to those questions, but there was one question she didn't have the answer to: what if the incredible ache in her heart never healed? 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
Joey walked into his apartment after another disappointing acting audition and found Chandler sitting in the Barcalounger, staring at a blank TV screen.  
  
"Hey," Joey said, dropping his backpack on the floor near the door.  
  
Chandler swiveled the brown leather chair to face his friend, who look disappointed.  
  
"Bad day?"  
  
"Yeah. The audition was horrible. And I'm not doing that fake-out thing. It was bad."  
  
"Sorry, man. I hope it's okay that I'm here."  
  
"It's fine."  
  
Joey was about to perch himself on one of the green velvet stools when Phoebe walked in and said "hi" before helping herself to a bottle of water from the fridge.  
  
"Whatcha doing?" she asked, taking a seat next to Joey.  
  
"Nothing," Joey said. "I had a really lousy day. What about you?"  
  
"My day was okay. Hey, Chandler, I saw Rachel at the coffeehouse. She told me you guys talked."  
  
"Yeah, we did."  
  
"So, you know?" Joey asked, looking uncomfortable.  
  
Chandler rose from the chair and stood in front of his friends.  
  
"That Monica went on the cruise? Yeah, Rachel told me. I can't believe she went on our honeymoon cruise!"  
  
"She needed to do something. She was driving herself and the rest of us crazy. Kinda like you are," Joey added, speaking low with his head down.  
  
He quickly slid off the stool and moved towards the foosball table. He crossed his arms against his chest as if to ward off Chandler's perceived anger at his comment.  
  
"I'm sorry, but I had to tell you that."  
  
"I know I haven't been the best company. I've tried to stay away from you guys as much as I can."  
  
"But that's not what we want!" Phoebe said. "Look, you and Monica said you needed time. Well, you got it. But being apart hasn't made either of you any happier. Why don't you try the being together thing again?"  
  
"Yeah," Joey said, his brown eyes lighting up. "Give yourselves another chance."  
  
"We haven't talked about getting back together," Chandler argued.  
  
"You guys haven't talked at all!" Joey said.  
  
"It's okay because I came up with the perfect plan," Phoebe said to Chandler.  
  
"What?" he asked, casting a wary glance in his friend's direction.  
  
"Look what I have."  
  
She opened the top drawer in Joey's kitchen and produced Chandler's cruise ticket.  
  
"It's perfect," Joey said.   
  
He smiled and slapped his friend's arm.  
  
"I think that ship has sailed," Chandler said, growing impatient. "Literally."  
  
"We know that," Phoebe said, somewhat exasperated. "But I called the cruise line, and you can catch up with the "Coral Sea" in St. Thomas. What have you got to lose? If it should happen that you and Monica don't reconcile, I'm sure the vessel is big enough that you wouldn't have to see her."  
  
"Give this a chance," Joey added. "At least to see if maybe the Caribbean can work some magic on the two of you."  
  
Phoebe nodded. "Yes. Magic. Very good, Joey. I can see hanging out with me is finally paying off."  
  
He grinned. "Thanks."  
  
Chandler looked from Joey to Phoebe, unsure which one was scaring him more. "You guys make this sound so easy, but it's not. I can't just join Monica on the cruise."  
  
"Why not?" Phoebe asked.  
  
"Yeah, why not?"  
  
"Because that's something you do when you want to give a good surprise to someone. We're not in that place. She might throw me overboard. This is not a good idea."  
  
Joey laughed. "She's not going to throw you off the boat. You're paranoid!"  
  
"She might," Phoebe whispered to Joey.  
  
"I heard that!" Chandler said. "I'm not taking the risk. I won't. I can't."  
  
"Do you still love her?" Phoebe demanded.  
  
Chandler tried to avoid answering his friend's pointed question, but she wouldn't let him.  
  
"Answer me, Chandler," she said, not breaking eye contact with him.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Your eyes tell me otherwise," she said. "You can't lie to me. You still love her."  
  
"What if I do?" he challenged. "What difference does it make?"  
  
"Because I know you still love her, I'm going to share something. Richard is on that cruise ship. Do you want to blow the one chance you might have to work things out with Monica? Do you?"  
  
"No one told me Richard's on that boat!" Joey complained. "Chandler, you gotta do this. Here, take this ticket and figure out how to get to St. Thomas. Now!"  
  
"Are you sure about this, Phoebe?" Chandler questioned. "Rachel didn't say anything about Richard. Did they plan this? Are they on the ship together? How do you know this?"  
  
"I just do, okay? They didn't plan to be together, but do you really have to think about this? You and Monica deserve one more chance. Take this opportunity. You might never get another one."  
  
Joey continued to hold out the ticket. Chandler stared at it for a long moment and then grabbed it from his hand.  
  
"Way to go!" Joey said.  
  
"Well, I never did cancel my vacation. I guess, subconsciously, I thought we would work things out and that we would be on our honeymoon. I owe this to Monica and to myself. I'm not going to make things easy for Richard. No way. Okay, Pheebs. What do I need to do to get to St. Thomas?"  
  
**  
  
After Phoebe gave Chandler the particulars and he left to pack for the cruise, Joey questioned Phoebe.  
  
"How did you know Richard is on that boat?"  
  
With an impish grin and a mischievous gleam in her hazel eyes, Phoebe wrapped a few strands of her long blonde hair around her finger.  
  
"He's not. Well, not that I know of, anyway."  
  
"What?!" Joey cried. "Then why did you tell Chandler..."  
  
"Because," she said, interrupting, "Richard's name is the only thing that motivates Chandler into action. We want Monica and him back together, right? Drastic times call for drastic measures."  
  
"He is going to be so mad when he finds out what you did," Joey warned.  
  
Phoebe shrugged. "Let's just hope that he and Monica get back together. If they do, I think he'll forgive me, don't you?"  
  
"Yeah," Joey said and smiled. "They'll have you to thank, right? You can't be mad at the person who caused you to reunite. But what if they don't get back together?"  
  
"That's not going to happen," Phoebe stated emphatically. "They will get together again. They have to!"  
  
**   
  
Monica forced herself to eat dinner at her assigned table rather than in her room, as she had done the previous night. She waited for the late seating, hoping that not many people would be sitting with her. Elegance defined the dining room, Monica thought, as she admired the rich dark wood paneling and the sparkling crystal chandeliers. Fine white linen and bone China adorned each table. Flickering candlelight gave the room a soft glow. Soothing instrumental music completed the ambience. Happy couples sharing a romantic meal caught her eye. A deep sadness engulfed her as she realized that should have been Chandler and her smiling and laughing as they sipped their wine and tasted each other's food. But it wasn't, and she had to stop torturing herself with things that would never be.  
  
Pulling her lavender chiffon wrap around her matching colored dress, she walked with determined steps towards her table where two couples and one male had already been seated. She pasted on a smile and joined them. The gentlemen rose and one man, who appeared to be alone, held out a chair for her.  
  
"Thank you," she said.  
  
She reached for her water glass and took a long swallow.  
  
"I'm Monica," she said, in answer to their curious looks.  
  
"Nice to meet you, Monica," an older lady said. "My name is Sheila, and this is my husband Ralph."  
  
"I'm Victoria," a young brunette said, "and this is my husband Adam."  
  
"My name is Daniel," the man who had seated her said.  
  
"It's nice to meet all of you," Monica said, making eye contact with each of them. She found herself gazing at Daniel a tad longer than was necessary.  
  
"Are you enjoying the cruise?" Sheila asked.  
  
"It's been okay."  
  
"You look like you got a lot of sun," Victoria commented.   
  
"Some. The pools are fantastic. Swimming relaxes me."  
  
And I need it, she added silently.  
  
"If you enjoy the water," Daniel said, "you should sign up for snorkeling when we get to St. Thomas. The beaches are incredible."  
  
"I saw a pamphlet in my room," Monica said.  
  
"If you'd like," Daniel offered, giving her a dazzling white smile, "we can go together."  
  
"Oh, I don't know. We just met."  
  
"We have another day to get to know each other better before we dock in St. Thomas. Let's spend time together. After we eat, we can walk around and maybe have a nightcap. What do you say?"  
  
Monica allowed herself a longer look at Daniel. What could she say? Her only other option was to spend the evening by herself, either in her room or staring at the water. He seemed nice enough, and his shaggy blonde hair and cat green eyes were just the distraction she needed. Why not? she asked herself. She could use a break from being miserable, and she knew she could do a lot worse than Daniel.  
  
"Okay," she answered. "I'd like that."  
  
Pleased with herself that dinner was not the ordeal she thought it would be, she extended her time with Daniel. She declined his offer of a drink but agreed, hesitantly, to walk through the casino on the way back to her room.  
  
As soon as they entered the noisy area, her mind wandered to the trip she and Chandler had taken to Las Vegas. When the memories threatened to overwhelm her, she willed herself to concentrate on the present. Daniel was not Chandler. He did not deserve to see her obsess because she wasn't on her honeymoon.  
  
"I feel lucky tonight," Daniel said. "Accompany me to play one of my favorite games. Please?"  
  
"Okay," she said uncertainly. "Just for a little while, though."  
  
"Great."  
  
He led Monica towards the back of the room. When she saw where he was heading, she froze and vehemently shook her head.   
  
"What's wrong?" Daniel asked, surprised.  
  
"I...I can't go to that table," she said, visibly shaking. "I just can't. I'm sorry."  
  
She turned to flee; Daniel's warm hand on her arm prevented her escape.  
  
"Monica, you're trembling. What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing," she lied, her eyes pleading with him not to ask any more questions. "I just...I can't be here. I'm sorry."  
  
Before Daniel could question her further or even find out when he might see her again, she was gone.  
  
Once in the safety of her room, Monica collapsed on the bed. Must everything remind her of Chandler, she fumed. Seeing the craps table brought back their Las Vegas trip, which had started out so badly, but had ended happily with them deciding to move in together, even though their original plan had been to get married. As she stared once again at her bare ring finger, she couldn't help but wonder how different things might have been if they had gotten married in Las Vegas.  
  
"You have to stop this," she scolded herself, out loud. "You might have had fun with Daniel, but you had to freak out. You can't keep doing this."  
  
Growing impatient with herself, she rose from the bed and grabbed her nightgown and robe and headed for the shower. The warm spray helped to relax her. She tried to clear her mind, but as she slipped under the covers for what she was certain would be another restless night's sleep, she couldn't help but think about Vegas and, inevitably, Chandler.  
  
When she woke up from yet another cold sweat-inducing dream, she derisively congratulated herself on being right about her sleep being restless and interrupted. Throughout the long night, whenever she did manage to fall asleep, huge red dice that had nothing but fours on them invaded her dreams.  
  
Shaking the images of Chandler and Vegas from her mind, she punched her pillow and willed herself into a dreamless sleep. Tomorrow was a new day, and she vowed she would not spend one moment of it thinking about Chandler and what might have been. She'd come on this cruise to heal. The time had come to let the process begin. 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
  
Monica awakened with a headache and decided to skip breakfast in the main dining area. She opted to eat a banana and drink bottled water in the quiet of her room. Swallowing two aspirin quickly followed.  
  
When the pounding in her head eased, she donned her two-piece printed swimsuit, grabbed a bottle of suntan lotion, her sunglasses, and a book and headed for one of the three luxurious Olympic-sized pools. Carla, a gregarious young redhead who supervised the poolside reception area, remembered Monica and greeted her warmly as she handed her a beach blanket and a sealed envelope.  
  
"What's this?"  
  
"I was asked to give that to you by a very cute guy."  
  
A faint blush colored Monica's cheeks.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
After getting settled in a lounge chair, Monica opened the envelope and pulled out a handwritten note from Daniel.  
  
"Hope you're feeling better," he wrote. "If you are, please meet me at our table at noon for lunch. I'd like to see you again."  
  
Monica smiled as she folded the paper and slipped it back into its envelope. She reclined in the chair and closed her eyes. The decision had been made. She would rest for half an hour and then swim for the next half hour. After that, she would return to her room, change and meet Daniel as he had requested. What happened after that she was leaving up to fate.  
  
**  
  
Chandler sat in his seat on the plane, trying to get comfortable. He'd attempted to watch the movie but gave up in frustration. Same for the reading material he'd brought with him. He had the attention span of a gnat. What he really wanted was a cigarette, but he knew he could not go down that road again. Especially when he was on his way to see Monica for the first time in four agonizing months.  
  
**Flashback - Late January 2001**  
  
"Thank you for coming," Monica said, as she ushered Chandler into the apartment he had not stepped foot in since New Year's Day.  
  
"Of course," a subdued Chandler replied.  
  
They each took a seat on the couch in the living room. Monica offered Chandler coffee and a pastry from the plate on the coffee table. Chandler declined both with a wry smile.  
  
"No matter what is going on in your world, you'll always be the hostess, won't you?"  
  
"It's what I know," Monica said. "It's what I am."  
  
"Mon," Chandler said, reaching out to stroke her hair. Relieved when she didn't recoil from his touch, he continued, "You are so much more than that. You're a beautiful, vibrant, caring woman who has so much to offer."  
  
"Except that I go too far," she said, quoting from their previous arguments. "I don't know when to give up, when to compromise, when to let the other person have his way."  
  
"I know, in the heat of our arguments, I've said those things. We've both thrown our shortcomings at each other in very unpleasant and hurtful ways."  
  
"You're right," Monica said, looking down at her lap. "That's why I have to do this."  
  
With tears glistening in her eyes, she raised her head to gaze at Chandler.  
  
"I forgive you for all the insults you've hurled at me during these last few months, and I hope you can forgive me for the insensitive remarks I've made. I don't want to fight any more. I don't have the energy. I also don't want us to become like Ross and Rachel. I don't know how they do it, but I know it would reek for me to spend time with you, especially if you were involved with someone else."  
  
"Monica," Chandler said, his voice strained, "what are you saying? I'm not going to be with someone else. I don't want anyone else."  
  
"I'm sorry, Chandler. This has been the hardest decision I've ever had to make. I'm ending our engagement. I love you, but I can't be with you. You were right when you said arguing and accusing is no way to enter into a marriage. My head's been in the clouds, and I've been wearing blinders. But now, for the first time in a long while, I'm thinking and seeing things clearly. Our marriage would never work. We'd always be at odds over one thing or another. There would always be something for us to disagree about. I don't want to live my life that way. I won't. Your views on what marriage is all about and my need to have the perfect wedding and marriage make us incompatible. I'm thankful I realized this before we exchanged our vows."  
  
Before Chandler could stop her, Monica removed the diamond and sapphire ring from her slender finger. She stared at the sparkling gems for one long, heartbreaking moment before setting the ring in the gray velvet box and handing it to Chandler.  
  
"Please, take it."  
  
"Monica..."  
  
"No," she said, shaking her head. "Take it and leave. Just go."  
  
Even through his own anger and hurt, Chandler saw the determination in Monica's eyes. Not wanting to upset her further, he held out a trembling hand to take the case. The tips of their fingers touched. Shock waves shot through both of them. The power of their attraction had not dissipated. An ignitable spark remained that neither could deny. That one fact gave Chandler hope.  
  
"I'll leave for now," he said, rising unsteadily from the sofa. "But I don't believe this is how we end. I know we have problems, but I also know we love each other. We've come a long way, Monica. Because we helped each other. Think about it. I have. I've done nothing but think about us since New Year's Eve. I thought you called me here to try to work things out. I'm accepting you returning your engagement ring only because I believe, someday, you will let me put it on your finger again. And when I do, Monica, you will never take it off."  
  
**End of Flashback**  
  
That was the last time he had seen Monica. The past four months had been the longest and the loneliest of his life. The only thing keeping him going was the knowledge that Monica was as miserable as he was.  
  
When Rachel had called him and asked him to meet her at Central Perk, he thought sure Monica would be there. Instead, he found out that she had gone on the Caribbean cruise. He'd refused to panic until Phoebe let it slip that Richard was also on the cruise. Chandler's first instinct was to give up all hope, but his love for Monica wouldn't let him. He'd fought for her once. With a moment's clarity in Joey's apartment, he knew he had to fight for her again.  
  
He retrieved his carry-on bag from the seat in front of him and unzipped it. His hand closed around the square box and he pulled it out. Opening the case, he looked at the ring that was just as beautiful to him as the first time he'd seen it in the jewelry store display case.   
  
"You will wear this ring again, Monica," he vowed silently. "Because I've realized there is nothing we can't work through."  
  
**  
  
"I've enjoyed our time," Daniel said to Monica. "You seem calmer than last night."  
  
They sat at one of the quieter lounges sipping wine after a late supper.  
  
"I've enjoyed it, too. Playing volleyball in the pool was fun."  
  
"I know you liked that we won."  
  
Monica felt herself blush. "Is my competitiveness that obvious?"  
  
Daniel shrugged and chuckled. "Just a tad. But you wear it well."  
  
"Ross, that's my brother, and I competed all the time. I think it started because we were so close in age. Chandler, though, he didn't always approve..."  
  
Her voice trailed off when she realized what she had been about to say.  
  
"Ah," Daniel said, gazing into her eyes, "you finally said his name."  
  
"Whose name?"   
  
Monica feigned ignorance; it didn't work.  
  
"The one who never seems to be far from your thoughts."  
  
"No, that's not true."  
  
"Monica, I know I'm competing with someone, I just don't know if he's a former husband, lover or a ghost. Why don't you fill me in?"  
  
She took a long swallow of her Chablis before speaking.  
  
"Chandler is my former fiancé. If I seem a little out of it, it's because this was supposed to have been our honeymoon cruise. But I'm getting on with my life, Daniel, I am. Taking this cruise by myself was a big step. So, okay, I'm not exactly the life of the party, but I'm not hiding in my room either."  
  
"No, you're not," he said, covering her hand with his own, "and I think that's great. I applaud the fact you decided to take this cruise. If you'll let me, I think I can make this a most pleasurable vacation for both of us."  
  
Monica couldn't help but to react to Daniel's charming smile. She liked him. He was handsome, fun and didn't seem to take life too seriously. She needed someone like him to balance her dark moods and bring more light into her life. Would it be so wrong, she thought as guilt nipped at her conscience, to spend time with Daniel? If he was willing, knowing there was an ex-fiancé, shouldn't she be just as flexible? There was no way this would turn serious. He wanted to have a good time. So did she. What would be the harm?  
  
"Penny for your thoughts."  
  
Monica stirred and realized Daniel's mouth was mere inches from hers. Her first inclination was to back away, but instead, she found herself leaning in closer.  
  
Their lips brushed together lightly. Monica hesitated for a moment and then allowed the kiss to deepen. Daniel pulled her closer and ran his fingers through her dark silky hair. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tried to lose herself in the moment. She couldn't do it. She couldn't let go completely. That thought made her tense. Daniel sensed she was no longer enjoying the kiss and ended it.  
  
"You're not ready for this," he stated.  
  
"I thought I was," she said. "But you're right, I'm not. I didn't mean to lead you on. I'm sorry."  
  
"Hey, I'm not giving up that easily."  
  
He flashed her a disarming smile. Monica felt as though she had to try to ease away from him. He deserved to be with someone who wasn't weighed down emotionally.  
  
"I'm sure there are many woman on this cruise who would love to spend time with you."  
  
"If there are, I haven't noticed. I'm very attracted to you, Monica, and believe it or not, I didn't come on this cruise looking to find a woman. I have a very stressful job, and I wanted a break from it and from the people who hound me almost twenty-four hours a day."  
  
Despite her reservations about continuing to spend time with him, her curiosity about his career got the best of her.   
  
"What kind of job do you have?"  
  
"I work for an international hotel chain. I oversee the restaurant/catering division for most of the East Coast. We're currently reorganizing. It's been a nightmare."  
  
"Wow. I'm sorry to hear it's not going well, but I think it's great we have something so wonderful in common."  
  
"Do you work for a hotel?"  
  
"No. I'm the head chef for a popular restaurant in Manhattan."  
  
"That's great. Have you created your own menus?"  
  
"I did when I first got the job."  
  
"I think we finally found something to talk about that makes you happy. Was your transition to head chef a smooth one?"  
  
"Actually, it wasn't. The employees didn't like me. I came into a bad situation, but it's gotten better. I'm doing something I love."  
  
"Was the menu change successful?"  
  
"Yes, it was."  
  
"Congratulations on passing that hurdle. My staff is at odds over every little detail. It would be a relief if I could find someone like you to supervise the others. Then, maybe the reorganization could be finalized and we could move on to the implementation phase."  
  
"There must be someone who could step up and take charge."  
  
"Unfortunately, there isn't. They're all worried about their jobs and their positions within the organization. I can't say I blame them. Uncertainty abounds."  
  
"Sounds like you need a third party, someone who can be objective about your goals, like an outside consultant."  
  
"You're right. I'm on vacation, but there are some decisions I'm supposed to be making while I'm 'getting away from it all'. If I decide to hire someone to create our new menus, would you be interested in the position?"  
  
Stunned, Monica didn't speak for a long moment.  
  
"I-I'm not looking for a new job."  
  
"I didn't think you were. But I can see the passion you have for your career. You seemed shocked that people can't agree on food choices."  
  
"Well, it's exciting to plan a new menu. There's a lot that goes along with the new item choices. But I also enjoy cooking the meals I've chosen for the restaurant. I don't think I could give that up."  
  
"You wouldn't have to. Once the menus are set, you would have first choice. Pick whichever hotel and location your heart desires. You would run the show. And, I should tell you, this offer is not necessarily limited to the United States. Do you have a favorite European city? We probably have a hotel restaurant that needs you."  
  
Monica's smile dimmed. Daniel noticed the change immediately.  
  
"I said the wrong thing, didn't I?"  
  
"It's okay. Hearing the word 'Europe' reminded me of Chandler. We talked a lot about going to Paris, maybe for a year, once we had settled into married life. I thought it would be neat to study cooking there, and Chandler, he has a passion that he rarely allows himself to explore. We thought living in Paris might give us both an opportunity to enjoy our interests."  
  
"From the little you've told me, it sounds like you two were planning a great future. How is it you ended up alone on your honeymoon cruise?"  
  
Monica's eyes clouded. Daniel watched as she physically retreated from him. He knew he had asked too personal a question, had pushed Monica beyond her comfort zone.  
  
"I'm sorry. It's none of my business, of course."  
  
"I'd like to return to my room," she said. "It's been a long but nice day."  
  
"Sure. I'll walk with you."  
  
They fell into step but neither spoke as they headed for Monica's stateroom. When they reached her door, she smiled.  
  
"I had a great time. Thank you."  
  
"I know you're in turmoil, Monica. The last thing I want to do is to add pressure. I hope we can have fun tomorrow. I think you will love St. Thomas."  
  
"It looks beautiful from the pictures I've seen."  
  
"The island is spectacular, and it also has a bit of a mysterious feel to it. I think you will really enjoy it. I don't know why, but I have a feeling something memorable is going to happen to you in St. Thomas."  
  
At Monica's quizzical expression, Daniel continued.  
  
"Not something bad," he explained. "Just something...memorable." 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
In less than an hour after arriving in St. Thomas, Monica wholeheartedly agreed with Daniel that the lush island held a breathtaking appeal. As they slowly made their way towards one of the better-known white sand beaches, Monica found herself lingering at the local shops and street vendors.  
  
"I know you want to get to the beach," she told him, "but I'm enjoying just walking around. The warm breeze feels good on my face. If you want to go ahead, that's fine. I know who to see if I want to snorkel."  
  
"Are you sure?" Daniel asked, trying not to let his disappointment show. He thought he would be spending the day with Monica, showing her the wonders of the sea life.  
  
She nodded. "I'm sure."  
  
"Okay. I'll be at Sapphire Beach if you want to see me later."  
  
Sapphire Beach. Hearing the word "sapphire" caused Monica to look at her hand. Too many words still sent her reeling because she would always associate them with Chandler.  
  
**  
  
Chandler had no sooner stepped into the St. Thomas airport than his cell phone rang.   
  
"Hello?" he said, sounding a bit agitated.  
  
"Chandler, it's me, Joey. Where are you? Have you seen Monica yet?"  
  
"No, I'm at the airport. I just landed. I have to find out how to get to the ship from here."  
  
"I have something to tell you."  
  
Joey stole a glance at Phoebe, who was in the apartment with him. She knew what he planned to tell Chandler; she shrugged her shoulders to let him know she didn't care.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Richard isn't on that cruise, at least as far as we know. Phoebe said that so you would do exactly what you're doing."  
  
"I should've known," Chandler said and sighed. "Rachel would've told me if Monica had said something about Richard. Well, I'm here now. I'm not going back home until I've at least had a chance to talk to Monica, if she'll talk to me."  
  
"Good luck, man. I hope this works out for you guys."  
  
"Thanks. Tell Phoebe I'll deal with her when I get back."  
  
Joey laughed. "Sure, dude. Whatever you say."  
  
"I gotta go," Chandler said.  
  
"So, what did he say?" Phoebe asked, when Joey was off the phone. "Was he mad? Like really, really mad?"  
  
"I don't think so. He sounded kinda strange. But he did say he'd deal with you when he got back. I'm sorry, Pheebs, but I just didn't want him to think he was competing with Richard when he's not."  
  
"Oh, well," Phoebe said airily. "What do I care? It's only Chandler."  
  
**  
  
Early in the afternoon, Monica decided to head to Sapphire Beach. She realized this might be her only chance to snorkel; she decided not to pass it up. The beach was crowded when she arrived. She figured she'd never find Daniel, but that didn't stop her from asking one of their guides how to go about getting snorkeling equipment.  
  
When she had everything she needed, including an underwater camera, she headed for the bluest water she'd ever seen. So inviting, she thought, as her bare feet sank deeper into the warm sand. After putting on her equipment, she quickly found herself waist deep in water, ready to view the exotic underwater life.  
  
Fish of every size, shape and color swam by her. Some stopped for a moment thinking she would feed them. When she stepped away or snapped a picture, they moved on, splashing her with their fins. Completely in awe, she finally came up for some much-needed air. She removed her mask and snorkel to wipe her face and found herself staring into Daniel's emerald green eyes.   
  
"I knew you'd make it here eventually," he said and smiled. "This beach is too awesome to miss."  
  
"I agree. I just saw the most colorful, vibrant fish. I'm so glad you told me about this beach and that our guide gave me a camera to use."  
  
"I have another fantastic place to take you to if you'd like."  
  
"Sure," Monica said, the day in the sun and water helping to revive her, "I'm up for anything."  
  
"Even some hiking?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
"May I?" Daniel asked, holding out his hand to take hers. "We'll return our equipment, dry ourselves off, and then I'll take you to the best place."  
  
She slipped her small hand into his larger one and felt the immediate warmth.  
  
"Lead the way."  
  
**  
  
Two hours later, Monica and Daniel sat at an outdoor café at the top of St. Peter Mountain, overlooking the entire island.  
  
"I gotta get pictures of this," she enthused. "I can't believe how gorgeous it is here. The gang back home will never believe..."  
  
Once more her voice trailed off and once more Daniel knew why.  
  
"Here," he said, trying his hardest to distract her, "drink some of your banana daiquiri. It's the trademark of this particular place."  
  
**  
  
The sun began its descent when Monica and Daniel, holding hands once more, walked back towards the "Coral Sea".  
  
"You seem truly relaxed for the first time since I've met you," Daniel observed. "I told you those daiquiris would do wonders for you."  
  
Monica laughed. "I only had one, and I didn't finish that. This has been nice. I've really enjoyed myself, for the first time in I don't know how long."  
  
"We still have four more days and another stop at St. Croix. If you want, we can plan to spend our remaining time together."  
  
Monica looked up at him, the green in his eyes heightened against his tanned complexion. "I think I'd like that," she said, beginning to realize just how much his idea appealed to her.  
  
**  
  
Because much of the crew was spending the day in St. Thomas, Chandler had been referred to several people before he finally spoke to the right person who showed him to his cabin.  
  
"You're welcome to tour St. Thomas for about an hour, if you'd like. We're set to leave in three hours."  
  
"That's okay. I'd rather just stay on the ship."  
  
"We have everything you need. The dining room is open, you can order room service..."  
  
"Thanks. I'll look around. I want to familiarize myself with my surroundings."  
  
"Of course. If you need anything, just ask."  
  
Chandler walked around, not really knowing what exactly he expected to find. He figured Monica had spent the day in St. Thomas. A part of him hoped she was alone, but another part of him hoped she hadn't been spending all her time holed up in her cabin.   
  
Despite what Joey had said, Chandler wouldn't have been at all surprised to round a corner and find Richard staring at him. That's just the kind of luck he had.  
  
He didn't feel the least bit hungry, but the thought of a beer made his mouth water. He found the bar, slid onto a stool, and ordered a cold draft.  
  
"You're one of the few who didn't leave the ship," the bartender commented.  
  
"Actually, I just got here."  
  
"We don't have that happen too often. Did you get delayed?"  
  
"Something like that."  
  
"You missed one of the favorite stops on this cruise."  
  
"Is that right? Well, that's the way my luck has been..."  
  
Chandler stopped mid-sentence when he heard her unmistakable laugh. Setting the frosty mug on the counter, he turned around to make certain he wasn't hearing things and received the biggest shock of his life.  
  
No, it most certainly wasn't Richard, but there she was. There was Monica, the woman he loved, holding hands and smiling up at a man he'd never seen before.  
  
Daniel's steps ceased; Monica wanted to know why. Her eyes followed his and for just a second, her world and her heart stopped. Standing a few away, confusion clearly written in his blue eyes, was Chandler. Monica expelled the breath she didn't realize she had been holding. What was he doing here? 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
  
Monica let her hand fall from Daniel's, and without realizing it, moved a few steps away from him.  
  
"Chandler."  
  
She wasn't sure she had spoken the name out loud until he answered.  
  
"Hello, Monica."  
  
Their eyes connected. They took a moment to appraise each other, subconsciously making mental notes of any changes that had taken place in the past four months.  
  
After an uncomfortable silence that seemed to stretch like a rubber band ready to snap, Daniel spoke.  
  
"Monica, I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about, so I'll take my leave."  
  
He wanted to kiss her, but he couldn't be sure that Chandler wouldn't pounce on him. The angry glare directed at him had not diminished. Still, he wanted Chandler to know he was the one spending time with Monica.  
  
"If you feel up to it," he told her, "meet me at our table in the Reef Lounge once the ship has sailed."  
  
Chandler didn't speak until Daniel had left the bar.  
  
"You two have a 'table' in the lounge. How nice. What else have the two of you been 'sharing'?"  
  
"It's not like that," Monica tried to explain.  
  
"Tell me what it is like," Chandler insisted. "Did you come with that guy on this cruise?"  
  
"No," Monica hissed, her anger rising and her heartbeat accelerating. How dare Chandler show up and put her actions under a microscope. "Not that it's any of your business!"  
  
"You're right," Chandler said, a myriad of emotions churning inside him. "It's just that every time we argued and discussed postponing the wedding, it was you, Monica, who talked about how much it would kill you to see me with another woman. So imagine my surprise to find you laughing and holding hands with another man on what was supposed to have been our honeymoon cruise!"  
  
Monica took a step back at Chandler's vehemently spoken words and finger pointing.  
  
"I don't have to justify my actions," she said, after a moment of gathering her courage and squaring her shoulders. "Especially to you."  
  
Before Chandler could form a response, Monica had spun on her heels and was gone.  
  
She didn't stop until she'd reached the safety of her cabin. Once there, she collapsed onto the bed and tried to stop trembling. The question wouldn't stop nagging at her brain: what was he doing here?  
  
**  
  
Rachel waved to the others who had gathered at Central Perk before heading to the counter to order a latte. She had just made herself comfortable on the sofa when the cell phone in her purse rang.  
  
"Hello, Rachel Green," she said, thinking it might be someone from work.  
  
"Rachel, it's Monica. I have to talk to you."  
  
"Mo-Monica?!"  
  
Rachel immediately had the other three's attention. Ross put aside the magazine he had been reading. Phoebe and Joey ceased their conversation.   
  
"What do you know about Chandler showing up here?" Monica demanded.  
  
Rachel stood from the couch and began to pace as she ran slender, nervous fingers through her silky blonde hair.  
  
"Well..."  
  
"Rachel Karen Green, you tell me what you know right now!"  
  
"All right, all right," she said, looking to the others for support. "I...I kinda sorta told him you went on the cruise."  
  
"You what?!" Monica screamed.  
  
Rachel cringed and held the phone away from her ear. She returned it only when she heard Monica yelling her name.  
  
"Calm down, Mon. Just calm down."  
  
"You, Rachel. You of all people know why I came on this cruise. Why would you tell Chandler? Why? Does our friendship mean so little to you that you would risk it just to see what kind of fun you could have at my expense?!"  
  
"No, Monica," Rachel insisted, panicking when she realized how truly distraught her friend was. "That's not why I told him. I promise you it isn't."  
  
"Well excuse me if I don't put much stock in your so-called promises. What else have you told him? The others? Damnit, Rachel, I confided in you and I expected you to keep my confidence."  
  
"Monica, I want you guys to try to work things out. We all do."  
  
She nodded to the others who agreed.  
  
"This is not up to you or the others, don't you get that?! You had no right, no right whatsoever to tell him my private plans. I wished I'd never told any of you about this at all. It's going to be a cold day in hell before I ever trust you again. Goodbye."  
  
With tears gathering in her blue eyes, Rachel stared at the compact phone in her hand.  
  
"She hates me," she said, to no one in particular.  
  
"No, she doesn't," Phoebe said, closing the short distance between them to put her arms around her friend. "Tell us what she said."  
  
"She's angry, no she's beyond angry, because I told Chandler about the cruise. What was I thinking? Why did I tell him?"  
  
"For the same reason I told Chandler that Richard was on the cruise. We want them to get back together. How can they when they won't even see each other?"  
  
"Monica said it's not up to us," Rachel said, looking around at the others. "And you know what, guys? She's right."  
  
**  
  
Monica jumped when she heard two light taps on her door. Thinking Chandler had followed her, she hesitated to open it. When she saw an envelope being pushed underneath, she recognized Daniel's writing and opened the door. She caught him just as he was about to leave.  
  
"I'm sorry I didn't answer your knock," she said, following him into the room. "I wasn't sure who it was."  
  
"I had a feeling that might be the case. That's why I slid the note under your door. Are you all right?" he asked, running the palms of his large warm hands along her bare, tanned arms.  
  
"I've been better. Do you mind...would it be okay if we ate dinner in my cabin? We can order room service."  
  
"Whatever you want is fine with me. What?" he asked, when he saw the pensive expression on her face.  
  
"Nothing," she said, give her head a slight shake. "It's just...it's been so long since anyone has said those words to me. They sounded nice."  
  
"Anyone?" he queried with a raised eyebrow. "Or Chandler?"  
  
"Chandler," she admitted, "but I don't want to talk about him."  
  
He gazed into her eyes and smiled. "That works for me."  
  
**  
  
Before Monica called, Joey had been ready to suggest they catch a movie. As he looked around at the somber faces of his friends, he knew that idea wouldn't work.   
  
"I think I'll head home," Phoebe said. "I was thinking about singing, but I'm not in a very 'musical' place tonight. Besides, there's hardly anyone here. Talk to you guys later."  
  
"Wait up, Pheebs," Joey said. "I'll walk you home."  
  
Ross felt the tension as soon as Joey and Phoebe left.  
  
"I really messed things up with Monica," Rachel said. "I don't know if she'll ever forgive me."  
  
She hadn't been able to get the sound of Monica's fury out of her head.  
  
Ross tried to shrug it off. "You know Mon. Sometimes, it doesn't take much to get her upset, but then she gets over it fairly quickly."  
  
"I don't know about this one. She sounded furious that Chandler is there. Why, Ross? What possessed me to tell him?"  
  
Ross decided to voice his opinion; he braced himself for Rachel's reaction. "I know we're all sitting around here saying we want them to get back together, but Rach, do you think maybe...just maybe...you told Chandler because you wanted him to know what Monica had done? I mean, how did you expect him to react upon hearing that his ex-fiancée had gone on their honeymoon cruise without him?"  
  
"Is that it, Ross? You think I've taken sides? You think I've chosen Monica's point of view over Chandler's? Well, you couldn't be more wrong. I was not trying to rub it in Chandler's face that Monica had gone on their cruise alone."  
  
"Are you sure about that, Rach? Because I remember when we broke up, we had to have a schedule to see our own friends!"  
  
"You think I want everyone to split up over this? Just how low of an opinion do you have of me, anyway? And in case you've forgotten, Monica is your sister. I would think you, of all people, would be on her side!"  
  
"You don't know that I'm not," he shot back. "You don't know what I've said to my sister or to Chandler. Despite what you think, Rachel, you don't know everything that goes on in my life or anyone else's. I'm outta here. I don't need this."  
  
"At least I care enough to get involved in our friends' lives," she told his retreating back.   
  
"You care," he asked, turning around to face her, unable to resist one last parting remark, "or you just want to make sure everyone is as miserable as you are? Because if that's the case, Rach, I'd say you're batting a thousand."  
  
In a fit of anger, Rachel picked up a scone and threw it at the Central Perk sign on the glass door.  
  
**  
  
Joey entered his apartment with his mind already made up to call Chandler. He popped open a can of soda and sat on the stool, staring at the phone. He didn't know if Chandler's cell phone would work on a ship. Deciding not to take the chance, he called the operator and asked for assistance.  
  
Chandler started when he heard the shrill ringing of his phone. He briefly wondered if Monica would be on the other line when he answered, and then he quickly dismissed that thought with a derisive shake of his head.  
  
"Hello," he said, standing near the porthole in his room.  
  
"Chandler, it's me, Joey. How's it going?"  
  
"Awful," he answered honestly. "Things couldn't be more horrible."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"I saw Monica. And you were right. Richard is nowhere to be found on this ship, as far as I can tell. But it doesn't matter anyway because she's hanging all over some blonde guy who looks like he splits his time between the gym and the beach."  
  
"Oh no! That wasn't supposed to happen!"  
  
Chandler rolled his eyes. "It doesn't matter what was supposed to happen, Joe. I'm trying to deal here. I have no idea what to do. She resents that I'm here. She stormed off. This whole thing couldn't get any worse."  
  
But Chandler spoke too soon because those words had no sooner left his mouth than a pain, sharp like a knife, shot through his abdomen. Another one quickly followed and soon he couldn't catch his breath. He clutched his stomach as he doubled over in agony.  
  
Joey could hear his labored breathing.  
  
"Chandler, what's wrong?!"  
  
"Pain," he said, barely able to talk. "I don't know...just hit me. I...I gotta hang up."  
  
"Call the ship's doctor!" Joey yelled, before he heard the annoying dial tone in his ear.  
  
Chandler would've done exactly that if only the excruciating pain didn't have him pleading silently for mercy. 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
  
Having sunk to the carpeted floor, Chandler decided to stay there until the pains eased. He knew they would. They had to. Squeezing his eyes shut to try to block out the incredible discomfort and the sudden onset of chills, he leaned the back of his head against the wall, cradled his mid-section with his arms, and slowly rocked back and forth, waiting for relief.  
  
Half an hour later, he began to feel human again. He gingerly pushed himself away from the wall and slowly rose to his feet, thankful he could stand under his own power without feeling like he might faint.   
  
He retrieved the phone where it lay on the floor, with the receiver off the hook, and before he could talk himself out of it, he placed the call to the ship's doctor and explained what he had experienced. Dr. Mills asked for his cabin number and told him he would be there shortly.  
  
**  
  
"How about if we hit the dance floor?" Daniel suggested.  
  
He saw Monica's hesitation and blamed Chandler.  
  
"You think you're going to run into him, don't you?"  
  
Monica shrugged. "I don't know. That's the problem. We did a good job of avoiding each other for four months even though we live in the same area and share some of the same friends."  
  
"That must have been rough."  
  
"It was. It could've been worse, but we were determined. I need to be just as determined now. He is not going to ruin this vacation for me. I would love to spend the night dancing with you. Give me time to change into more appropriate clothes. I'll meet you in the lounge."  
  
Monica refused to become a hermit. She had spent too much of the past months hiding, fearing, fretting and questioning. She was having a good time with Daniel. She wanted it to continue.  
  
The "Coral Sea" was a large vessel, she reasoned. Chances are she wouldn't see Chandler again. But just to make sure she knew what part of the ship his cabin was located, she called to find out which deck he was on. The clerk wouldn't give out that information but offered to ring his room. Monica politely declined.  
  
**  
Ready to meet Daniel, she walked along the dark-paneled passageway, observing how many cabins and staterooms were on her side of the boat. She only hoped Chandler's was not among them. She found herself catching up to the back of a tall man with silver-white hair. He carried what looked to be a medical bag. He stopped in front of a room that was at the end of the same long hallway as her cabin and knocked on the door. Monica planned to continue towards the staircase, but when she saw who opened the door to allow the man to enter, her feet wouldn't budge another inch.  
  
"Chandler?" She looked closer at the bag the man was carrying and knew he had to be a doctor. "Is something wrong?"  
  
Even though the attack had left him weary, Chandler couldn't help but notice how lovely Monica looked, wearing a flowing print dress, obviously ready to spend the evening with Blondie. His insides churned once more.  
  
"It's nothing serious," he said. He didn't want her sympathy or her pity. "You'd better get going. I wouldn't want to be the cause of you keeping your 'date' waiting."  
  
Monica looked to the doctor who inclined his head towards her and then gently shut the door after stepping inside. She let out an audible sigh and leaned back against the paneling, realizing she could not leave until she knew for sure that Chandler was all right.  
  
**  
  
"You've been under a great deal of stress, haven't you?" Dr. Mills asked, after he'd completed his examination.  
  
Chandler's blood pressure was elevated, he had a slight fever, and his temper was short.  
  
"I guess," he said, suddenly very tired. He wished the doctor would give him something to knock him out for about a week. Yeah, that would work. "I never really stopped to think about it."  
  
"Well, you should. Slow down. Take it easy. I'm going to give you a tranquilizer to help you relax. I know it's going to be hard, but you should watch what you eat while on this cruise. Diet is very important, too."  
  
"No problem there. I have no appetite."  
  
Dr. Mills frowned as he withdrew a bottle of pills from his bag and placed it on the nightstand.  
  
"That's not good. How long has that been going on?"  
  
Five months, Chandler thought, without hesitation. Since the day he'd moved out of Monica's apartment, nothing tasted good. Nothing smelled good. Nothing looked good. So, sometimes, he forgot to eat. Wasn't that hard, really.  
  
"Off and on," is what he answered. "It's probably part of that stress you're talking about."  
  
"You get some rest, young man. And make sure you eat something, even if it's just chicken noodle soup. I'm going to follow up with you tomorrow afternoon. If you're not feeling better, you'll need to be checked out when we dock at St. Croix."  
  
"I'm sure I'll be fine," Chandler said. The thought that this could be something major was not one he wanted to entertain. "I'll take that tranquilizer and get some much-needed sleep. That should be all I need."  
  
"Make sure you eat, too. And drink plenty of fluids."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Call room service. They'll bring you soup and a pitcher or two of water. If you have another attack, call me."  
  
"I will."  
  
**  
  
Monica, who had been waiting around the corner for the doctor to emerge, called out to him as soon as she heard the door close. Dr. Mills stopped, two cabins away from Chandler's, and waited for her to reach him.  
  
"How is he?" she asked, brushing the dark bangs away from her eyes. "I-I'm a friend."  
  
"He had a severe pancreatic attack. I gave him something to help him sleep. He seems to be under a good deal of stress. He needs to slow down. If you're a friend, maybe you could help him with that."  
  
Monica tried not to react to the irony of the doctor's statement.  
  
"Do you think it would be all right if I saw him now? Or would whatever you gave him already have taken effect?"  
  
"I gave him a bottle of tranquilizers. He hadn't taken one before I left. You could knock on his door and see if he answers."  
  
"Thank you. I'll do that."  
  
Dr. Mills smiled and turned to continue walking when he had a sudden thought.  
  
"By the way..."  
  
"Yes?" Monica said.  
  
"See that he eats. At least soup, but nothing heavy."  
  
"I can do that," Monica assured him.  
  
**  
  
Chandler was not surprised at the knock on his door. He'd noticed Dr. Mills had left his thermometer on the nightstand. He had expected his return. What he hadn't expected was to see Monica standing on the other side when he opened the door.  
  
"May I come in?" she asked, her voice hopeful.  
  
"Monica, what are you doing here? I told you I'm fine."  
  
"I know, and I'm glad that you are. But is it okay if I see for myself?"  
  
"All right. Here's me, standing here, talking to you. Don't I look fine?"  
  
"You look tired."  
  
"I'm about to remedy that."  
  
"Before you do, let me get you something to eat. Some soup, maybe?"  
  
Chandler eyed her warily. "Did you listen in when the doctor was here?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Then you must've talked to him. How else would you know about the soup?"  
  
"Isn't that what all sick people eat?"  
  
"I'm not sick, okay? I just...oh, hell, you might as well come in."  
  
"Thank you," she said because she meant it.   
  
"Yeah, whatever."  
  
"Chandler, the last thing I want you to be is si...unwell. You're one of the healthiest people I know. For you to call the doctor, I know it had to be bad. What did the doctor say?"  
  
"You mind if I sit down?"  
  
"No, of course not."  
  
Chandler sank gratefully onto the mattress. He still hadn't fully recovered from the pain. Monica pulled up a chair and sat close to him, watching him carefully.  
  
"I had the worse stomach pains earlier. The doctor thinks it's all related to stress. You know, not getting enough rest, not eating right..."  
  
Monica had to admit she could identify with those symptoms.  
  
"He gave me something to take for the pain. He's going to check on me tomorrow."  
  
"Are the pains gone?"  
  
"Yeah. I'm sore, and I'm tired. I really do just want to sleep."  
  
"Let me go to the dining room and get you something to eat. It'll be quicker than calling room service, I'm sure. Once I've seen that you've eaten, then I'll let you sleep. I'll be right back."  
  
**  
  
Monica stopped at the lounge and explained the situation to Daniel.   
  
"I couldn't not check on him," she said. "We've known each other a long time."  
  
"It's okay. The music isn't very good tonight. I think I'll head back to my cabin. If you feel like it, stop by."  
  
He held out his arms; Monica stepped into his embrace. His lips found hers as they shared a tantalizing kiss. She closed her eyes and leaned into him, letting his warmth comfort her.  
  
"All you have to do is knock," he whispered in her ear.  
  
**  
  
Chandler swallowed two spoonfuls of the hot vegetable soup and then placed the container on his nightstand.  
  
"You have to eat more than that," Monica gently scolded.  
  
"I can't," he said. "I told you. I have no appetite."  
  
"At least eat a couple of crackers and drink some 7-Up or water. You can't let yourself become dehydrated."  
  
"Yes, Dr. Monica," Chandler said, his tone mocking. He still wasn't convinced she hadn't listened at the door.  
  
"Chandler, stop it. I'm only trying to help. I'm worried about you, all right?"  
  
He saw her furrowed brow and noticed that she kept tucking her hair behind her ears, a sure sign she was nervous.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said. "This isn't easy for me. I don't want to feel like this. I want to be healthy."  
  
"Are you concerned you might have another attack if you eat?"  
  
"Maybe. I don't know. I guess I'm feeling something like that."  
  
"Drink one glass of water for me, take your pill, and then I'll leave you alone so you can sleep. Deal?"  
  
"Deal. Under one condition."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
Spending time with Monica, alone, had weakened his resolve. "Stay with me until I fall asleep?"  
  
"Yeah," she said. She smiled at him for the first time in over five months. "I can do that."  
  
"One more thing?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"When you leave, don't turn out the light."  
  
"Yeah, I can do that, too."  
  
**  
  
An hour later, Monica found herself leaning against the railing once more as she look out at the star-studded night sky. She'd finally spent some time alone with Chandler, and they had both survived it. It had been awkward but not horrible. He was Chandler. The one who'd been her friend before anything else had developed between them. He was the one she'd been able to talk to about anything on her mind. He listened. He tried to understand. He offered...well, not exactly advice, she thought with a wry smile, but his perspective. Usually it was wrapped in cynicism with a touch of sarcasm and realism...that was vintage Chandler.   
  
So, why, when the perfect opportunity had presented itself, did she leave his room without telling him the one thing she knew, sooner or later, he would have to be told? 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
  
Rachel remained at Central Perk and helped Gunther close up. It felt like old times. As she climbed the stairs to her apartment, she realized she missed the days when the six of them were friends and nothing more. They could joke and laugh without the fear of hurt feelings and without worrying that one of them would accuse another of taking sides.  
  
"I didn't take sides," Rachel grumbled when she reached her door. "I just happen to know something that no one else does."  
  
"Who are you talking to?"  
  
Rachel whirled around at the sound of Joey's voice.  
  
"No one," she said quickly. "Just thinking out loud." She noticed his somber expression. "Honey, what's wrong?"  
  
"You wanna come in for a minute?" he asked, his voice subdued.  
  
"Sure. I didn't relish the idea of walking into my cold, dark place anyway. What's up?"  
  
"I talked to Chandler," Joey said, when they had both been seated. "Something's wrong with him, Rach. He said he was in pain, and then the conversation ended. I yelled at him to call the doctor, but I don't even know if he heard me."  
  
"Did you call him back? Did you find out what's going on?"  
  
"No. I thought maybe the doctor was there or that he was sleeping. Do you think I should call him?"  
  
"No, I wouldn't call him now. He probably is sleeping. I hope he's all right."  
  
"Me, too."  
  
"I wonder if Monica knows?"  
  
Joey snickered. "I doubt it. I don't think Chandler would want her to know. You know why Monica was so upset with you, Rach? Because she's there with another man!"  
  
"What?! No way. Joey, Monica is not with another man on that cruise."  
  
"Oh yeah?" Joey challenged. "Try telling that to Chandler. He saw them together."  
  
This was incredible. Mon, honey, Rachel thought, what are you doing?  
  
"It can't be anything serious," she said aloud.   
  
"It can't?" Joey questioned. "How can you be so sure?"  
  
"Joey, c'mon, it's just a one-week cruise. Besides, Monica had very specific reasons for going on this vacation."  
  
"Really?" he asked, suddenly interested. "What were they?"  
  
"Joey! You know I can't tell you. I'm already in enough trouble with Monica. Do you want her to kill me?"  
  
"No, you're right. I hope Monica forgives you, Rach. I don't believe you told Chandler to sabotage her trip."  
  
"Thank you," Rachel said, relieved that at least one of her friends believed her. "And Joey, please don't judge Monica too harshly about this guy she's with, whoever he is. He can't be anyone important to her. He just can't!"  
  
"I wish our friends weren't hurting so much. I hate this. First you and Ross, and now Monica and Chandler..."  
  
"Please," Rachel said, "don't mention Ross' name to me."  
  
"What happened now?" he asked in a plaintive voice.  
  
"We had a fight after you and Phoebe left. He accused me of telling Chandler to stick it to him because I'm on Monica's side."  
  
"Ross said that?"  
  
"Yeah," Rachel said, her voice filled with sadness. "His remarks hurt. I like Chandler, and Monica is my best friend. I want them to work things out, I really do, but it's complicated. There are things not everyone knows."  
  
"Like?"  
  
"Joey! Look, I'm going to leave before I slip and say something else I'm not supposed to."  
  
"Okay. I'm sorry. It's just that you have me very curious."  
  
"I know," Rachel said, stroking his cheek as they stood near the door. "I wish I could talk with you about this the way we did when Chandler and Monica were keeping their relationship a secret, but I can't."  
  
Joey nodded and captured Rachel's hand in his.  
  
"I understand. Hey, if you happen to hear from Monica, please tell me."  
  
"I will. I think you should call Chandler in the morning. If you talk to him, tell him I hope he's feeling better. And then tell me how's he doing, okay?"  
  
"Sure. Will do."  
  
"You're such a good friend to me," she said, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him into an unexpected but pleasant hug.  
  
Joey's surprise lasted only a moment and then he returned the embrace and enjoyed it. Rachel was the first to pull away. She found herself staring at Joey's mouth. He leaned in closer, and for a second, she thought he was going to kiss her. But the moment passed. He kissed her on the cheek instead.  
  
"'Night, Rachel," he said and gave her a crooked smile.  
  
"G'night, Joey. See you tomorrow."  
  
As soon as the door closed, Joey scurried to his bed, not daring to let himself think about what might have been.  
  
**  
  
"I thought I might see you last night," Daniel said to Monica the next morning, when they met for breakfast in the dining room.  
  
Both had decided on the early seating; they had the table to themselves.  
  
"I considered it," Monica admitted, "but I know I wouldn't have been very good company."  
  
"Chandler?" Daniel asked.  
  
Monica nodded. "I did a lot of thinking last night, and I realized this isn't fair to you. You should be enjoying this cruise with someone who doesn't come with so much baggage."  
  
Daniel silenced her by placing his index finger to her soft lips.  
  
"I told you I don't care about other women. I'm enjoying my time with you."  
  
"I don't see how you could be."  
  
"We dock this afternoon at St. Croix. You're still planning to sightsee with me, right?"  
  
"Yes, but..."  
  
"No 'buts'. Please. Let us just enjoy each other's company."  
  
Monica nodded.  
  
"I have a surprise for you, too."  
  
"Really? What?"  
  
"Last night, I checked around and discovered this ship has an 'Internet Cafe'. I went online and look what I booked for us."  
  
He produced two printouts and handed one to Monica. She gasped when she saw what he had done.  
  
"This...this is a first-class ticket to Paris!"  
  
"Yes, it is. Monica Geller, I am officially offering you the position of head consultant for our restaurants. Our hotel in Paris desperately needs your help."  
  
Speechless, Monica stared from the ticket to Daniel and back to the ticket.  
  
"I...I can't give you an answer right now," she stammered.  
  
Daniel gave a soft laugh, and after cupping her chin with his fingers, turned her head so she would look at him.  
  
"I wasn't expecting one," he assured her. "But I needed to make the offer, and I needed you to know I'm serious. Paris awaits, for you and me."  
  
Monica thought back to the plans she and Chandler had made long ago.  
  
"I-I'm not sure I could go to Paris."  
  
"Think about it," he said, pulling her in close for a kiss. "That's all I'm asking."  
  
**  
  
Before Joey could call Chandler, his phone rang. Relief washed over him when he heard his best friend's voice.  
  
"Dude, what happened?"  
  
"Sorry about last night, Joe."  
  
"That's okay, but are you better? Did you call the doctor? What did he say?"  
  
Chandler appreciated his friend's concern. "Yeah, I called the doctor. He thinks what I have is stress-related. I finally slept last night, and I do feel better today, so..."  
  
"I'm glad to hear that. I was so worried, but I wasn't sure what to do. Do you have to stay in bed?"  
  
"No, I don't think so. The doctor is coming by this afternoon to check on me. We're making a stop in St. Croix. I hope I feel up to leaving the ship. I'd like to get out of this room."  
  
"What about Monica?"  
  
"She knows what happened to me. We spent some time together last night."  
  
"That's good, right?"  
  
Chandler sighed. "I don't know. I guess. She was on her way to see that other guy when she found out about me."  
  
"And she stayed with you? That's a good sign, man!"  
  
"It was still early when she left me. I have a feeling they saw each other."  
  
"Do you think she'll check on you today?"  
  
"I'm not sure. Maybe."  
  
"Well, if she does, tell her why you're there, Chandler. Talk to her. Take advantage of the opportunity."  
  
Chandler ended their conversation knowing his friend was right. He had to talk to Monica.  
  
**  
  
Alone in her room, Monica gathered what she would need for an afternoon and evening of sightseeing on the island of St. Croix. Her eyes fell to the printout of the ticket to Paris, and she let her mind wander to a better time.  
  
**FLAHSBACK - AUGUST 2000**  
  
Chandler walked into the apartment he shared with Monica and saw the kitchen table littered with wedding pamphlets.  
  
"You look happy," he said to his intended, after they'd shared a kiss.  
  
"I am. Everything is falling into place. Life couldn't be more wonderful."  
  
"I like it when you're happy," he said, taking a seat next to her. "Is there anything I can help you with?"  
  
"Well...um, okay. How about this?"  
  
She pulled three colorful brochures from the "honeymoon" tab in her binder and spread them out so Chandler could review them.  
  
"Tell me which place you'd like to go to for our honeymoon."  
  
"These are my only choices?" he asked, not wanting to be difficult but wanting more of a selection. Or a say.  
  
"Did you have your own ideas of where we should go?"  
  
Chandler's face lit up. "Actually, I did."  
  
"Oh...then, of course, you should tell me. I want to know where you pictured us honeymooning."  
  
"Okay," Chandler said, excited, thinking he'd finally have a chance to contribute something to the plans. "I thought it would be nice to go to Paris."  
  
At Monica's less-than-thrilled look, Chandler knew he'd said the wrong thing.  
  
"Not Paris," he concluded.  
  
"Not for our honeymoon, sweetie. I want it to be somewhere romantic and exotic and tropical."  
  
"You don't think Paris is romantic?"  
  
"Sure, but it's not tropical."  
  
"So, you want a water-related honeymoon?"  
  
"Look at these brochures. Don't these cruises look wonderful? We could go to Hawaii, the Caribbean, Mexico..."  
  
"These all look fine," Chandler said, his enthusiasm gone. "You pick where you want to go. Whatever decision you make will be fine."  
  
Chandler left the table and then plopped himself down on the white sofa. He turned on the TV and began to channel surf. After a few minutes, Monica joined him.  
  
"I love the idea of Paris," she said, running her fingers through his sandy brown hair. "I'll look into it tomorrow."  
  
"Don't," he said, his eyes fixed on the TV screen. "I know it's not where you want to go. I told you I'd be fine with any place you choose."  
  
"And I'm choosing Paris."  
  
Chandler looked at her then. "Against your will."  
  
She shrugged. "Maybe a little, but it's not because I don't want to go there."  
  
"Then what is it?"  
  
"Sweetie, I know you want to see Paris. I always thought, when you and I were ready for a change, maybe we could take a year off and spend it there."  
  
"A year?"  
"Yeah. I could learn a lot about cooking there, and you would finally have the time you need to work on your writing. I always pictured us there, Chandler, just not for our honeymoon."  
  
"Spending a year in Paris with you sounds heavenly," he said, his irritability dissipating.  
  
"Same for me," Monica said, moving closer to him. "So, how about if we spend a week in the Caribbean next May?"  
  
"I can do that," he said, right before he pulled her on top of him and smothered her with kisses.  
  
**END OF FLASHBACK**  
  
What would have happen, she thought, if she had agreed to the Paris honeymoon? As she looked at her reflection in the mirror, she knew it had been much more than that which had caused her to end up on her honeymoon cruise without benefit of the wedding ceremony. 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
  
The cruise ship docked at St. Croix later that afternoon. Monica, leaving the boat to meet Daniel, saw Dr. Mills exit from Chandler's cabin. With several long strides, she reached him.  
  
"Hello. How...how is Chandler?"  
  
"About the same. He's still running a fever. I'm going to check on him again in a couple of hours. If his temperature isn't normal, I'm going to have him seen at St. Croix Medical Center."  
  
"May I see him?"  
  
"I have to advise against that. I gave him a stronger medication. He's probably sleeping. He needs to rest."  
  
Dr. Mills continued on his way; Monica lingered outside Chandler's room.   
  
"Feel better and get some rest," she finally whispered against the door, vowing that she would visit him that evening.  
  
**  
  
"We're definitely not having as much fun as we had in St. Thomas," Daniel commented to Monica, as they walked along one of the more popular beaches.  
  
"What? I'm sorry. I have a lot on my mind."  
  
"I know. It's okay. Why don't we go to the Seafood House for an early dinner? Afterwards, we can have a drink somewhere, hear a little music, or head back to the ship."  
  
"Sure," she said, still distracted. "That sounds fine."  
  
**  
  
When Joey entered Central Perk, Rachel, Ross and Phoebe bombarded him with questions about Chandler.  
  
"I told Ross and Phoebe what happened," Rachel explained.  
  
"So," Phoebe asked, "did you talk to him? How is he?"  
  
"He called me this morning. He sounded okay, not great, but said he'd gotten some sleep."  
  
"I'm so relieved to hear that," Rachel said.  
  
Ross and Phoebe nodded in agreement.  
  
"He also told me that Monica knows. They spent some time together yesterday, but I gotta be honest. He didn't sound too hopeful."  
  
"What is wrong with those two?" Phoebe asked, shaking her head. "Is Chandler going to have to die before Monica comes to her senses?"  
  
Knowing that Phoebe claimed to have psychic abilities, the others looked at her to see if she thought she'd just had a premonition.   
  
"I didn't just say that," she exclaimed, but she knew it was too late. The prophetic words had already been spoken, and her friends had heard them.  
  
**  
  
Monica barely made it through dinner. When Daniel wanted to extend their evening, she declined.  
  
"I'm restless," she said, "and I know that's not your fault, but I really feel the need to get back on the ship. I can't explain it, but the thought is nagging at me and won't go away."  
  
"You're concerned about Chandler," he stated. "I understand."  
  
When they neared the pier where the "Coral Sea" was docked, Monica saw red lights flashing and what looked to be an ambulance and a fire engine.  
  
"There's something going on with our ship," she said, dread taking root in the pit of her stomach.  
  
She took off running; Daniel tried to keep up with her. When she reached the dock, she spotted Dr. Mills.  
  
"Doctor, what's going on? Who's in that ambulance?"  
  
"Chandler," Dr. Mills answered, his tone serious. "He had another very acute attack. He's unconscious. We're taking him to St. Croix Medical Center."  
  
"I need to be with him!"  
  
Daniel caught up to Monica and asked what had happened.  
  
"Chandler's in that ambulance!" she cried. "I have to be with him!"  
  
"I can't let you ride in the ambulance, but there's a taxi," Dr. Mills said. "Tell the driver you need to get to St. Croix Medical Center. Go to the Emergency Room. I'll see you there."  
  
Daniel flagged down the taxi; he and Monica hopped in. Monica shuddered when she heard the sharp wail of the siren as the ambulance took off at high speed.  
  
"I had a bad feeling this whole day," she said, staring out the side window. "Why did I leave him? Why didn't I check on him? Why wasn't I with him?"  
  
Daniel tried to comfort her; she withdrew more into herself and huddled against the corner of the back seat.  
  
When they arrived at the hospital, Monica jumped out of the cab, leaving Daniel to pay their fare. All she could think about was finding the Emergency Room.  
  
She reached the nurses' station, and in between trying to catch her breath, she asked about Chandler.  
  
"Dr. Mills is in with him. He'll give you an update as soon as he can. Please take a seat in the waiting area."  
  
Monica thanked the nurse. She looked at the chairs but knew she wouldn't be able to sit. She paced back and forth and bit the nail on her index finger while she waited for Dr. Mills.  
  
"Any word?" Daniel asked.   
  
He'd finally found her and extended a Styrofoam cup filled with coffee.  
  
"No," she said, taking the cup without even realizing it. "Chandler has to be all right. He just has to!"  
  
"Why don't you try to sit?"  
  
"I can't!" she snapped. "I'm too nervous. I want to be with him. I want to help him. I want...I want him to know he's not alone."  
  
Monica saw Dr. Mills emerge near the nurses' station and raced to him, spilling coffee along the way and not caring.  
  
"How is he?"  
  
Tears filled her eyes when she saw the grave look the doctor wore.  
  
"I'm sorry to say that Chandler is in very critical condition. We're prepping him for surgery. He has a severe infection in his gall bladder. It needs to be removed."  
  
"And then he'll be okay, right?" Monica asked, her eyes pleading with the doctor for her words to be true.  
  
"He's very weak, and he's not responding to the medication. We'd like more time to get him stabilized before we take him into surgery, but we don't have that luxury. The infection is spreading. I'll keep you posted. If you believe in the power of prayer, I suggest you say one for your friend."  
  
"This can't be happening," Monica said, more to herself than anyone. She leaned on the counter for support. "There are so many things I still need to tell him. I thought we had time. I thought I needed more time. Why didn't I just tell him? Why have I wasted so damn much time?!"  
  
"Sshh, Monica, calm down," Daniel said.  
  
"No!" she cried, looking at Daniel, her blue eyes darkening with wild fear. "You don't understand. Because of my stupidity and my pride, Chandler and I never talked. Not about the things that matter. I never told him how much he means to me. I never told him what happened before we broke up. I never told him how much I still love him."  
Tears ran unchecked down her cheeks.  
  
"I...I never told him about the baby I lost. And now, it might be too late. He may never know about our precious little angel, and it's all my fault!" 


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
  
Monica sat in the last pew of the small, quiet chapel, allowing its warmth and the flames from the lit candles at the altar to comfort her. Daniel had gone back to the "Coral Sea", assuring her that he would take care of all the arrangements to have her things and Chandler's moved to the hotel the nurse in the Emergency Room had recommended.  
  
From somewhere, maybe even in her own head, Monica heard soft, soothing music. She leaned back in the pew, closed her eyes, and let the memories flood her mind. She had to admit them into her consciousness. She'd said she wanted to heal, and yet she knew she'd never given herself a chance. She'd never given Chandler a chance either. Somehow, through sheer mental energy and willpower, she had to reach the man she loved, so he would know she was with him. She had to find a way to let him know what had happened before it was too late.   
  
**Flashback - Late November 2000**  
  
A totally dazed Monica walked into her apartment. She tried to hang her coat and purse on a hook and missed. And she didn't care. She bumped into one of the kitchen chairs and then finally collapsed onto it, almost falling to the floor when she didn't hit it just right.  
  
"Mon, what's wrong?" Rachel asked, alarmed.  
  
She'd never seen her friend so out of it. She knew Monica and Chandler had been arguing over the wedding plans and that's why she'd come by. She wanted to find out if things had gotten better. Judging by Monica's state, she could only assume they hadn't.  
  
"Is Chandler here?" Monica asked, her voice barely above a whisper.  
  
"No. I haven't seen him."  
  
"Rach, I'm in big trouble. Big, big trouble. I can't believe this is happening."  
  
"What, honey?" Rachel asked, sliding her chair next to her friend's and placing a hand on her arm. "You can't believe what's happening?"  
  
Monica turned and stared at Rachel's concerned and interested face.  
  
"I don't think I can tell you."  
  
"Of course you can," Rachel admonished. "Monica, you can tell me anything."  
  
"This is huge, Rach. Really huge. If I tell you, you can't tell anyone else. I mean absolutely no one else on this planet."  
  
"I can do that." She gave her friend's arm a gentle squeeze. "Monica, you're scaring me. What's going on?"  
  
"I just came from the doctor. I'm pregnant. My due date is right between the wedding and the honeymoon!"  
  
Rachel's eyes grew huge and her hand flew to her mouth.  
  
"I know," Monica said, without her usual exuberance. "What am I going to do? What am I going to do?!"  
  
"Well...Mon...you're going to have the baby, of course. This is what you've dreamed of your entire life."  
  
"But not like this!" she cried.  
  
"Okay, things didn't go exactly according to plan, but still...you'll be married and then you'll have the baby. Or, if the baby's early, you'll already have given birth and then you'll marry the man who loves you with everything he is."  
  
"I can't get married in May! This changes everything!"  
  
"So, you don't have the wedding of your dreams, but Mon, think about it," Rachel said, a small smile forming on her lips, "you are going to have everything you've ever wanted. Marriage to the man you were meant to be with and a baby. C'mon, sweetie, it's not that bad."  
  
Monica stared at her friend. "And you don't think Chandler is going to freak out about this...at all?!"  
  
Rachel thought about it. "Oh, right, Chandler. Well, there's nothing he can do about it. He's the father. The life you're carrying inside is his responsibility. He has to marry you, Mon. He can't walk away from you and this baby."  
  
"But what if he does? What if he thinks I did this on purpose? To trap him? I told you we've been arguing about the wedding and that he's been drinking more and coming home late a lot of nights. What if my being pregnant is the last straw? What if he hates me? What if he walks out that door and never comes back?"  
  
"Honey, I don't think you're giving Chandler enough credit. Yeah, sure, he's gonna go all Chandler on you when you first tell him. You gotta expect that. But he loves you, Monica, and it's not like he said he never wanted children, right?"  
  
"No, but still..."  
  
"Mon, honey, you gotta tell him, and the sooner the better. Otherwise, you are going to drive yourself crazy needlessly. And that won't be good for you or the baby. This will all work out. It will. But you have to tell him."  
  
"You're right," Monica said, trying to steady her emotions. "I have to talk to Chandler."  
  
Rachel checked her watch. "He'll probably be home soon. I'm going to leave so you can tell him tonight. Please tell him tonight, Mon."  
  
"I will," she assured her friend.  
  
Just as soon as I figure out how, she added silently.  
  
**  
  
Late that night, Chandler finally arrived home.  
  
"Hey, Mon," he said, strutting into their apartment as if he didn't have a care in the world.  
  
He removed his coat and scarf and threw them carelessly over the back of the sofa.  
  
"Where have you been?" Monica demanded, her nerves frazzled. "Do you realize what time it is? Do you know what a phone looks like and how to use it?!"  
  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Take a chill pill, babe. We're not married yet."  
  
Monica's gaze narrowed on her fiancé. "Have you been drinking? Again?"  
  
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I have," Chandler said, plopping down on the couch next to Monica. "It's the holidays. Time for good tidings and all of that, right?"  
  
"You don't have to go out with the guys from work every night. I would like to see you once in a while. When you're sober."  
  
"Why?" he asked, propping his feet up on the coffee table.   
  
Monica started to tell him to take his shoes off and then stopped. What was the point?  
  
"So we can disagree some more about how to have the 'perfect wedding'?" he continued, his tone mocking. "Which, by the way, I want to talk to you about."  
  
He pointed his index finger at Monica; she slapped it away.  
  
"I'm not talking with you about anything tonight. I had something very important I needed to tell you, but you need to be sober to hear it. I'm going to bed. There's a plate of food for you in the fridge to heat up. Oh, and 'babe', since you look so comfortable on that couch, why don't you just plan to stay there...all night!"  
  
**End of Flashback**  
  
Monica opened her eyes and brushed away the burning tears. How had something so wonderful gone so wrong in such a short amount of time? And what if she never got the opportunity to fix it?   
  
"Ms. Geller?"  
  
Monica turned at the female voice and saw a nurse standing in the doorway.  
  
"Dr. Gamboa would like a word with you."  
  
"Of-of course."  
  
Monica gathered her purse and followed the nurse, who looked to be a native of the island, down a long, stark-white, antiseptic-smelling corridor to the Operating Room waiting area. The nurse introduced her to the dark-haired, dark-eyed surgeon, who still wore his green scrubs, and then left them alone.  
  
"How's Chandler?" she asked, her worried blue eyes trying to read his facial expression.   
  
He looked grim. Monica's stomach muscles tightened. She found it difficult to breathe. Please tell me he's alive and that he's going to make it, she silently begged. Please.  
  
"Mr. Bing came through the surgery but not without difficulty," Dr. Gamboa said.  
  
"But he's okay, right?" she asked, her voice breaking. "Please, doctor, tell me he's going to be all right!"  
  
Dr. Gamboa sighed. He wished he had better news. "I'm afraid his condition is critical. We've done everything we could. We've tried to make him comfortable. If there is anyone who should be notified, I suggest you do it now. I'm sorry, Ms. Geller, but Mr. Bing is not expected to make it through the night." 


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10  
  
Linda, the Emergency Room nurse, assisted Monica to a chair. Dr. Gamboa had been called into immediate surgery on another patient.  
  
"I don't understand," Monica said, still in shock. "How did this happen?"  
  
"Let me get you some water," Linda said. "I'll be right back."  
  
Monica fumbled in her purse until she found her cell phone. There were people she needed to call. Why couldn't she think of their names?! Linda returned and found Monica sobbing uncontrollably. She placed the plastic cup on the table and took Monica into her arms, gently rocking her back and forth.  
  
"I'm so sorry," Linda said.  
  
"Chandler can't die. He just can't! I need to see him. I need to be with him. He has to know I'm here and that I love him. This can't be how it ends!"  
  
Linda retrieved Monica's phone, which had fallen to the floor, and handed it to her. "You make your calls, and I'll talk to Mr. Bing's nurse. He's just been moved from the Recovery Room to ICU. I'll be right back to tell you what she says."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Monica took a long swallow of the cold water and tried to gather her wits. She needed to call Rachel. She needed Rachel to look in her address book for Nora Bing's phone number. She also needed to ask Nora to let Chandler's father know.  
  
**  
  
The gang had left Central Perk and had gathered at Joey's apartment for pizza. Rachel picked up her cell phone from the counter and said "hello". As soon as she heard Monica's voice, she knew something was wrong. She motioned with her hand for the others to be quiet.  
  
"Monica, what is it?"  
  
At the urgency in Rachel's voice, the room became still as the others collectively held their breaths, hoping it wasn't bad news about Chandler.  
  
"Okay, sweetie. I understand. I can do that. I'll go over there right now. Don't worry about it. I'll call Nora. You just go be with Chandler, okay? And Monica, we all love you and Chandler, and we're here for both of you. Keep in touch."  
  
Rachel had tears in her eyes when she ended the call. "Chandler took a turn for the worse. He...he had to have surgery to remove his gall bladder. There were...complications. They...they..." She paused, cleared her throat and tried one more time to get the words out. "They don't think he's going to make it."  
  
"WHAT?!" Joey screamed, jumping out of his recliner. "No, Rach, that can't be right. You must've misunderstood Monica. Chandler's not dying. He can't be. I won't let him!"  
  
"Honey, I'm sorry, but it's true. I gotta...I gotta go across the hall. I need to find Nora's phone number and let her know what's going on."  
  
"Somebody's made a big mistake," Joey said to Ross and Phoebe. "There's no way Chandler's dying. I just talked to him this morning!"  
  
"Joey, sweetie," Phoebe said, trying to keep her composure, "remember you said he didn't sound great? Something else must have happened to him."  
  
"This is your fault!" Joey yelled, pointing his finger at Phoebe. "You were the one who said he was going to die. Why did you have to say that?!"  
  
Phoebe looked contrite. Ross tried to calm everyone.  
  
"Joey, it's not going to do any good to yell at Phoebe. You know she's not responsible for this."  
  
"This is Chandler!" Joey cried. "Your college roommate. The man your sister was going to marry! Don't you care that he might die and that Monica is the only one with him?!"  
  
"Of course I care."  
  
"I don't think you do. I'm going to their apartment. Rachel shouldn't be alone."  
  
After a moment's hesitation, Ross and Phoebe followed Joey. They found a distraught Rachel sitting on the sofa.  
  
"I talked to Nora's assistant. Nora is on some kind of whirlwind book tour. She said she'll do her best to track her down."  
  
"I want to go be with Chandler and Monica," Joey declared. "They need me. I need them. Chandler is my best friend, and he just can't be..."  
  
Joey's voice broke. He turned away from his friends. Rachel stepped in front of him and pulled him into a hug. After a few moments of silence, they cried on each other's shoulders.  
  
Ross and Phoebe shared a curious look.  
  
"Joey, honey, I don't think we can get to St. Croix, but how about if we go light a candle for Chandler at St. Andrew's church. Would you like to do that?"  
  
"Yeah," Joey said, pulling away from Rachel. "I wanna do that."  
  
"Okay, let's go."  
  
Ross stared after Rachel, who held Joey's hand as they left the apartment.  
  
"When...when...when did that happen?!"  
  
"When you weren't looking, obviously," Phoebe quipped.  
  
Ross did a double take and then escorted Phoebe out of the apartment so they could walk to the church.  
  
**  
  
"Ms. Geller?" Linda said.  
  
"Please. Call me Monica."  
  
"Okay, Monica. I talked to Emma, Mr. Bing's nurse, and she said...what? What is it? What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing," Monica said, shaking her head, as sadness consumed her.   
  
How could she tell Linda that Chandler's nurse had the same name that she'd always wanted for her baby. The little girl who would never be.  
  
"Emma said that you can visit with Mr. Bing for a little while. But she wanted me to warn you that he is hooked up to many monitors."  
  
"I understand."  
  
Linda gave her a serene smile and took her hand. "Let's go."  
  
Monica tentatively entered Chandler's room. She thought she was prepared for whatever she might see, but one glance in his direction told her how wrong she was. He looked ashen. Monitors beeped constantly; Monica jumped at every sound.  
  
"You can sit or stand by his side," Emma said. "Hold his hand. Talk to him. We never know what a person in a coma might respond to. I'll be monitoring him from the nurses' desk."  
  
Monica stood by the left side of the bed and placed her arm on the metal railing. She lightly stroked his hair, hoping he could somehow feel her touch and draw much-needed strength from it. She stared at him for the longest time, trying to come to terms with reality.   
  
"Hi, Chandler," she finally said, placing his cool hand gently in hers and kissing his fingers so as not to disturb his IV. "It's me. Monica. I really hope you can hear me. If I thought loud talking would help, I'd shout at you. Sweetie, I love you, and I want you to open your eyes. I know you're in pain, and I know, right now, you're probably in a better place where you need to be, but I need you to be here with me. I wish I could tell you all the things that are in my heart, but I...I just...I want you to know that I'm here and that I'm not leaving you, Chandler. I love you so much. Please, please come back to me!"  
  
**  
  
For all I've been blessed with in this life  
There was an emptiness in me  
I was imprisoned by the power of gold  
But one honest touch could set me free  
  
Let the world stop turning  
Let the sun stop burning  
Let them tell me love's not worth going through  
If it all falls apart  
I will know deep in my heart  
The only dream that mattered had come true  
In this life, I was loved by you  
  
**  
  
"Go ahead, Joey," Rachel encouraged.  
  
They stood at the altar of the empty church; Joey had chosen his candle and was looking for another flame to light the wick.  
  
Ross and Phoebe stood behind them.  
  
Joey lit the candle and held it in between his hands as he looked at the cross.  
  
"I...I know you don't hear from me very often," he began.  
  
Rachel wrapped her arm around his waist and hugged him closer to her.  
  
"But my friend...no, he is so much more than a friend...he...he's the brother I never had...they say he's dying in St. Croix. I don't wanna believe it because I can't handle the idea that I might never see him again. He went on a cruise to try to work things out with this woman he loves; and instead, he got sick and now...now me and my other friends may never see him again! Please, God, don't take him away from us. He's a great guy, and he just...he wanted another chance with Monica. He hasn't done anything wrong. I would miss him so much. He's done so much for me, and I haven't been able to repay him...and I don't want him dying thinking that I didn't appreciate what he did for me because without him...I would've never been able to...I mean I couldn't have...I...I can't do this!" Joey cried.   
  
"Sshh, it's all right," Rachel said, taking the candle from Joey and placing it in its holder. "You did great. You said what was in your heart."  
  
"But what if it's not enough?! What if it doesn't save Chandler?!"  
  
"I think it will," Rachel said, her eyes shining brightly with unshed tears. "Let's go back to your place. Maybe Monica will call with good news."  
  
Wordlessly, Ross embraced Joey and kept a firm hand on his shoulder as they left the church.  
  
Phoebe languished behind her three friends who were in so much pain. She didn't have the heart to tell them, but in her mind's eye, she'd already seen Chandler. He was with an angel.  
  
**  
  
Monica gently massaged Chandler's fingers as she continued speaking to him.  
  
"Our fights seem so trivial to me now," she told him honestly. "There's so much I would've done differently if I'd only known. Why did I take you for granted? Why did I assume you would be there when I was ready to talk? I should've come to you, Chandler. I should've remembered the foundation of our relationship. Friendship first and always. I could always talk to you. But I was too weak, too guilty, too petrified that if I leveled with you, I would lose you forever. I've been a coward. I should've taken the chance because this is so much worse than I could've ever imagined.  
  
"I don't know much about the afterlife, but I do believe in it, and because I do, I have to tell you something, Chandler, because I couldn't bear it if I lost you without you ever knowing this. Before we broke up, I found out I was pregnant. We...we were going to have a baby. But two months later, I lost it. I had a miscarriage. So many times I wanted to tell you I was pregnant, and I never did. I'm so sorry. I should've trusted in our love, and instead, I panicked. Big time. I was going to tell you on New Year's Eve, but then we had that huge fight, and you said we should call off the wedding, and I got scared, and then...and then you told me you were moving out."  
  
Tears ran freely down Monica's cheeks as she tried to tell Chandler's sleeping form what had happened.  
  
"I thought things would calm down between us, and then we would talk. But I...I guess I didn't take good enough care of myself and our baby, and I lost her. I lost her, Chandler, and I'm so sorry! After that, I just fell apart. I felt I didn't deserve you, and I felt everything my mother had ever said about me was true. I couldn't keep you and I couldn't keep our baby. That's why I gave you the ring back. I thought I could get over you and our loss, but I couldn't. I fell into a deep depression.  
  
"I went on the cruise because I couldn't be in my apartment, knowing that I was supposed to have been giving birth to our baby. I needed a distraction. I foolishly thought Daniel might serve that purpose until I saw you again. When you showed up, I thought you had found out. I thought you were going to confront me, and I wasn't ready. I knew you deserved an explanation. I was putting one together on the cruise. I was going to come back and tell you everything. I promise you I was, but...but, Chandler, oh, man, I never meant for any of this to happen! Please be hearing me, Chandler. Please know that I could never stop loving you. I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. For everything. Chandler, please, know that I love you more than anything and that I would give anything if only you would come back to me!"  
  
An alarming sound coming from the heart monitor stopped Monica. In a manner of seconds, strong hands pushed her away from Chandler. She sank to her knees, looking on in horror, as she let loose a blood-curdling scream.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"  
  
Chandler had flatlined.  
  
**  
  
For every mountain I have climbed  
And every raging river crossed  
You were the treasure that I'd longed to find  
Without your love I would be lost  
  
Let the world stop turning  
Let the sun stop burning  
Let them tell me love's not worth going through  
If it all falls apart  
I will know deep in my heart  
The only dream that mattered had come true  
In this life, I was loved by you  
  
Song credit: "In This Life" - Collin Raye  
  
  
TBC 


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11  
  
Another nurse from ICU escorted a distraught Monica from the room.  
  
"They're doing everything they can to try to revive him," she calmly explained.  
  
A numb Monica leaned against the wall and nodded.  
  
"And they will," she whispered. "They have to. He...he can't be...dead."  
  
**  
  
The four friends returned to Joey's apartment and held a vigil for Chandler. Phoebe made coffee. They sat around and recalled fond, funny, and cherished memories of their friend.  
  
"I still have my 'best buds' bracelet," Joey said. "Chandler never did learn to like his, did he?"  
  
The others shook their heads. "And yet he wore it," Ross said.  
  
"Which proves what a great guy he wa...is," Joey quickly amended. He refused to talk as if Chandler were in the past tense because he knew he wasn't.  
  
"Remember those Thanksgiving dinners at your parents' house?" Rachel said to Ross.  
  
Ross chuckled. "Yeah. Poor Chandler. He always hate...I mean he hates Thanksgiving."  
  
"I remember the first time Monica met him," Rachel said wistfully. "She liked him. A lot. Despite their rocky beginning when he called her fat and she accidentally cut off part of his toe, I think there's always been something special between them."  
  
"You're right," Phoebe said, her heart suddenly feeling lighter. "And that's what's going to do it! I remember how excited Chandler was when he'd made the decision to propose to Monica. He found the perfect ring, and he said he could so see himself asking Monica to marry him. I've never seen him more content."  
  
"I'd never seen my sister happier than when Chandler placed that ring on her finger. What happened between them? Why didn't they get married as planned?"  
  
Rachel looked away. She had the strongest need to tell them what had happened, but she knew it wasn't her place. She remained quiet, reflecting back on the night she'd been with Monica when her unborn child had died, while the others continued to reminisce.  
  
**Flashback - Mid-January 2001**  
  
Monica and Rachel had been shopping when an onset of pain and cramping had scared Monica.   
  
"Rachel, something's wrong with the baby. I've never had these kinds of pains."  
  
"Do you want me to call your doctor?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
The doctor told Rachel to take Monica to the Emergency Room as a precaution. The pains were worse by the time Monica had been examined. Rachel stayed by her side and held her hand.  
  
"I'm scared I'm going to lose the baby. I've been trying to figure out a way to talk to Chandler about the pregnancy. I'm not ready to let him go from my life, Rach. I can't believe this is the way we end."  
  
"I'm glad you want to talk to him, Mon. I think you should. You're obviously not over him. You still wear your engagement ring. That tells me you still want this marriage to happen, despite everything."  
  
Monica glanced down at the sparkling diamond and sapphire ring.  
  
"I was so happy when he finally proposed. I thought we had made it through the worst. I thought we could work through anything that came our way. I never meant to push so hard, Rach. I never meant to push him away!"  
  
"I know. That's what you need to tell Chandler. Talk to him, Mon. You have to."  
  
An overwhelming pain hit Monica. The doctor continued working to stabilize her. Rachel looked at the doctor's face, and she knew.   
  
"What's happening?!" Monica cried. "Why am I cramping? Why is there blood?"  
  
When Monica woke up in the hospital bed with Rachel by her side, she knew. She no longer felt a life growing inside of her.  
  
"I lost her, didn't I?" Monica asked Rachel, her voice low.  
  
Rachel nodded sadly. "I'm so sorry, Mon. There was nothing they could do."  
  
Monica turned on her side, away from Rachel. She couldn't face her friend at that moment. She wanted to be alone with her sorrow. She wanted to grieve.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Chandler," she finally whispered. "I can't believe how badly I've messed things up."  
  
**End of Flashback**  
  
**  
  
Monica wearily pushed herself away from the wall when she heard voices near the door to Chandler's room. She threw herself in front of the first person who exited.  
  
"What happened? Is he...did he..."  
  
"We managed to revive him," Emma said. "He's got a heartbeat."  
  
"Oh, thank God!" Monica cried. "Can I...can I see him?"  
  
"In a few minutes, once the others leave. I forgot to tell you earlier, but Dr. Mills dropped off a bag that was in Mr. Bing's cabin on the ship. He thought Mr. Bing might need some things. I'm going to bring it to you so you'll have it."  
  
Monica watched the doctor and the other nurses leave with the crash cart. He'd survived. They'd managed to get his heart going again. She wanted to rejoice, but she knew he still had a long way to go and that anything could still happen.   
  
Once everyone had left, she entered and returned to her spot near his bed. She gently stroked his hair and his cheek.  
  
"You gave me such a scare. Please don't do that again."  
  
Emma entered the room and placed the bag on a chair. Monica thanked her. After she had been standing for a while, Monica decided to pull the chair closer to his bed so she could sit. She bent down to place the bag on the floor when she noticed it was unzipped. Curious as to what the bag contained and hoping that no one had stolen anything, she began to rummage through it. Her heart lurched when her fingers touched a small box with soft velvet. She grabbed it and withdrew it from the bag. She would recognize that box anywhere. Slowly, she opened it and saw her engagement ring. Even after all this time, it still seemed to be winking at her.  
  
"Chandler," she said, moving back to the side of his bed, "You...you...you brought my ring with you on the cruise? Is that why you came? Is it possible? You...you wanted to propose to me again? I can't believe I never asked you why you had come! I was so caught up in why I didn't want you to be there, that I never stopped to think what would have made you come on the ship! I've been in such a negative place these past four months, that it never occurred to me that you might have had a positive reason for being there."  
  
Monica continued gazing at the ring, her mind filled with thoughts and memories and what ifs. Had Chandler come on the boat to try to reconcile? If she'd told him everything, would he still have wanted to?  
  
"There's still time for us, Chandler," she said, with renewed hope and urgency. "I mean, we haven't even gone to Paris yet!"  
  
Through the next anxious hours, Monica touched him more than she talked to him. She wanted him to feel her presence. She wanted him to know, without a doubt, that she was there for him and that she had no plans to leave.  
  
Early morning light began to creep into the room. Monica sat uncomfortably on the chair, nodding off while listening to the nurses check on Chandler every twenty minutes. So far, his heartbeat had remained steady. She felt herself falling into a deep sleep when she heard her name quietly being called.  
  
Her eyes flew open. She sat upright and looked around. Had she been dreaming? Had one of the nurses or a doctor called her name? And then she heard it again.  
  
"Monica."  
  
She turned to where the sound had come from, and then she did rejoice. A huge smile spread across her face as tears filled her eyes.  
  
"Chandler," she said, rising from the chair to lean against the metal railing. "You opened your eyes. Sweetheart, you came back to me!"  
  
"I had to," he said, his voice weak and raspy. His eyes tried to focus on Monica's lovely face. "Because I just got back from spending time with a beautiful angel."  
  
  
TBC 


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12  
  
"Look at you!" Monica said, walking into Chandler's hospital room and making her way to his bedside.  
  
Seeing her thousand-watt smile made him smile.  
  
"Well, I would," he quipped, glancing around the room, "but I don't seem to have a mirror."  
  
Monica groaned and shook her head. But she was still smiling.  
  
"Not good?" he questioned and grinned.  
  
"At least you're trying," she said, sitting on the edge of the bed. "And you look so much better than when I left you last night."  
  
"My fever broke," he said, shuddering at the memory. "It was bad. I never knew I could be so sick. I'll never take good health for granted again."  
  
"I wish I'd been here to help you," Monica said, clasping his hand in hers.  
  
"I'm thankful you weren't. The nurse finally gave me something to put me out of my misery."  
  
"When did they move you out of ICU?"  
  
"Early this morning. The nurse checked my temperature at like 5:00 a.m. It was normal, so she said I had to leave. But this room is nice, don't you think?" he asked and smiled. "I miss having my own private nurse, but other than that, it's okay."  
  
Monica laughed.  
  
"They're talking about releasing me anyway. Maybe tomorrow or the day after."  
  
"Wow, Chandler, now that is great news!"  
  
"I think so, too. I can't wait to get home."  
  
Home. Monica liked the sound of that, even though she wasn't certain he meant the apartment they had once shared. It had been four days since he'd come out of the coma, but he'd been sick from the infection and weak from his surgery, so he and Monica had agreed not to talk about their relationship until Chandler was feeling better. For now, it was enough that they were together.  
  
"Did the doctor say when you could travel?"  
  
"He thought by early next week I would be able to tolerate it."  
  
"That's excellent. You know our friends can't wait to see you."  
  
Monica had called Rachel once she knew that Chandler had made it through the worst. They were all relieved and ecstatic to hear the great news. Joey looked heavenward, grinned, gave two thumbs up and thanked the Big Guy.  
  
"I'm anxious to see them, too. But what I really want to do is talk about us."  
  
"Okay," Monica said. "Let's talk."  
  
"Can you please tell me why you went on that cruise and why you were with Blondie man?"  
  
Monica chuckled. "Is that what you called him?"  
  
"Well, we never did get properly introduced."  
"I know, " Monica said, gently squeezing his hand. "I have something very important I need to tell you, sweetie, and it's something I should've told you a long time ago. When things started to go bad between us, I found out I was pregnant. I'm so sorry I never told you, Chandler. I should have. It's one of the biggest regrets I have. I didn't trust you. I didn't believe strongly enough in us. I'm sooo sorry."  
  
"You tried to tell me, Monica. Many times. But I didn't want to hear it. I wasn't ready for the life-changing news, and I was terrified of what I would do once you did tell me. So, I avoided. I avoided everything. I got drunk on purpose many nights after work because I knew you wouldn't tell me in my inebriated state. And, in my warped mind, I thought if I didn't know for sure, then it wouldn't be true and I wouldn't have to deal with the reality. I left for work early to avoid, too. I even started screening my calls. I didn't know what to do if you told me you were pregnant. And yet, in my heart, I knew you were carrying my child. I felt it, but I couldn't bring myself to ask, and I couldn't let you confirm it. For that and so many other things, I'm sorry, Monica. You deserved someone much braver and much smarter than me. I took the coward's way out. And I'm very ashamed that I did."  
  
"We both made some pretty dumb mistakes."  
  
"Yeah, but I should've been there for you when you needed me, and I wasn't. I'm so sorry, Mon. I can't believe I was nowhere near you when you lost our baby. Tell me about it, please. I want, no I need, to know what happened."  
  
"Rachel was with me. She'd talked me into going shopping with her. She was tired of seeing me mope. I hadn't been feeling great, but I didn't want anyone to know. You know, I thought I could do it all on my own. That I didn't need anyone's help. Chandler, that's so far from the truth, it scares me. I was terrified when the pain hit. I knew something was wrong. We went to the Emergency Room, but the doctor, he...he couldn't save her. Our little girl, Chandler. She died. And it was all my fault. I'm so sorry!"  
  
"Monica, sweetheart, don't. Don't do this to yourself. Come here."  
  
Chandler wrapped his arms around Monica as she placed her head on his shoulder, careful not to put any pressure on his midsection. He held her as tightly as he could without causing himself any further discomfort.  
  
"I need to tell you something," he said, kissing the top of her head as he threaded his fingers through her hair.  
  
"What?" she asked and sniffled.  
  
"Our precious baby is an angel in heaven. I saw her, Monica. I was with her. I know you looked at me strangely when I said I'd spent time with an angel, but it's the truth. I don't understand it myself, but I believe what I saw. I was hovering between life and death. I wanted death, Monica. I was in so much pain. And then suddenly, a peaceful feeling came over me. I wanted more of that. I wanted to go where it was leading me. But then I heard your lovely voice. I heard you telling me things I knew I needed to hear. I strained to understand what you were telling me, but I was also being pulled away. I didn't know what to do. I could feel the struggle. I know I'm not explaining this very well. But, then, I saw her. And, somehow, I knew who she was. I knew she belonged to us. And I knew she was an angel. She sent me back, Monica. She spent time with me and ministered to me, even though I don't understand it, and then it was like she made the decision for me. She brought me back to you."  
  
"I'm so glad she did," Monica said, through her tears. "I was so not ready to lose you, Chandler. When you flatlined, my heart stopped, too. I knew I would not be able to go on without you. I couldn't believe there were so many unresolved issues between us. But the most important one was that I wanted you to know that I love you and that I'd never stopped loving you and that I never will stop loving you."  
  
"Yes," Chandler said, hugging Monica close, despite his sore stomach, "that's exactly what I wanted to tell you, too. I'm willing, Monica, hey, I'm more than willing to work on our issues as long as we do it together, not apart."  
  
"I want that, too," Monica said, looking up into the gorgeous blue eyes of the man she loved. "We've wasted so much time. We can't afford to waste any more."  
  
"I could not agree more."  
  
He opened the drawer to the table next to him and withdrew the ring box. Fresh tears filled Monica's eyes when she saw it.  
  
"I know it's not romantic and I can't get down on one knee, but Monica, I would be the happiest man alive, emphasis on 'alive' by the way, if you would allow me the pleasure of placing this ring on your finger. Monica Geller, will you please, please marry me?"  
  
"Yes," Monica said, crying tears of joy and happiness. "I will marry you, Chandler. And this time, we're going to do it right!"  
  
He slid the ring onto her trembling finger, and then they shared a kiss that told them just how much they'd been longing and hungering for each other.  
  
"I love you so much," Chandler said, his forehead pressed against Monica's.   
"I love you, too. I can't wait to make love to you. I bet your scar will be sooo sexy."  
  
"Oh yeah," Chandler said, nodding. "Most people go to the Caribbean for the sun, fun and tropical drinks. Not me. I go right for the infection and then the gall bladder surgery. Hey, think of the great stories we'll have to tell our children."  
  
Monica gazed at him and beamed. "You've decided you're ready to have kids?"  
  
"Yes, I am. I want a full life with you, Monica. I almost died not having experienced any of it. Now, I want it all."  
  
"When do you think we might start trying?"  
  
"If everything's okay with you, I'm thinking our honeymoon would work. As long as we're not on a cruise."  
  
Monica's laugh conveyed her happiness. "No cruises. You're right. Well, how about this? Mr. Blondie man left me a note and two tickets to Paris in my hotel room. He said he thought you and I would enjoy them."  
  
"Blondie man did that? How very generous of him. We'll have to send him a thank you note."  
  
"His name is Daniel, by the way."  
  
"Daniel, Blondie. It all sounds the same to me."  
  
Monica laughed. She could not be happier.  
  
"I have something else I need to tell you.," Chandler said.  
  
"I want to hear it."  
  
"Since I've been lying in this hospital, I've decided to seriously pursue my writing. Even if it's just to write stories for our children."  
  
"Chandler, that's wonderful! I love that idea. What's the first story you want to write?"  
  
Chandler thought for a moment and then smiled. "This one. I think I'll call it 'The One With The Caribbean Cruise."  
  
"I love you," Monica said, right before he silenced her with another passionate kiss.  
  
  
The "Epilogue" will be coming soon! :)  
  
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing this chapter and all the others!! It means so much to me!! :) 


	13. Epilogue

Epilogue  
  
Monica and Chandler shared their first dance as a married couple to the song "Our Love Is Here To Stay". Halfway through, the DJ asked the members of the wedding party to join the happy couple on the dance floor.  
  
"Shall we?" Ross asked Rachel.  
  
Rachel smiled and, holding hands, they glided onto the hardwood floor, along with Phoebe and Joey, who had been honored to perform the ceremony thanks to the State of New York and the Internet.  
  
"I'm so happy for them," Rachel said, nodding in the bride and groom's direction.  
  
"Me, too," Ross said. "Rach, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about."  
  
"What?" she asked, looking up into his dark eyes.  
  
"You've been a great friend to my sister and to Chandler. I had no right to yell at you that day in Central Perk. I should've realized that something was going on and that you were trying to help and protect my sister and Chandler, too, in your own way. I was too quick to judge. Can you forgive me?"  
  
"Yes," Rachel said, her blue eyes lighting up. "I forgive you. I'm just glad everything worked out."  
  
"Do you...do you ever think about us? And second chances?"  
  
"Do you?"  
  
Ross tilted his head. "After hearing Chandler and Monica's story, I have to admit the idea has crossed my mind. Look how much they managed to overcome. Look how blissful they are today."  
  
"I know," Rachel agreed. "I've been thinking about us, too."  
  
"We were happy once. I think we can be again."  
  
Rachel leaned her head against Ross's chest. "I think we can be, too."  
  
**  
  
"This worked out so much better than I ever imagined," Monica said to Chandler, as they swayed on the dance floor.  
  
"I agree. Thank you for using a few of my suggestions."  
  
"You're welcome. Thank you for listening to me about inviting your parents. Don't they look like they're having a good time?"  
  
"Yeah, they do. Everyone looks happy, including Ross and Rachel."  
  
"Ross confided in me that he was going to ask Rachel for another chance. Apparently, we've inspired him."  
  
"That's great. I hope it works out for them. Maybe we'll be dancing at their wedding one of these days."  
  
"Joey and Phoebe look like they've found other dance partners."  
  
"Diane works in my office. Hey, so does Zach."  
  
"Let's hope no one spills any secrets about you," Monica said and winked.  
  
**  
As if it were meant to be, Rachel caught Monica's bouquet and Ross caught the garter. They looked at each other and laughed.  
  
**  
  
Three months after they returned from their beautiful extended honeymoon in Paris, Chandler entered the apartment after work and found candles of all shapes and sizes burning brightly. Something that smelled delicious was heating in the oven. He called out to Monica who emerged from their bedroom wearing a black satin peignoir.  
  
"What's going on?" Chandler asked. "We're not celebrating an anniversary."  
  
"We're celebrating wonderful news," Monica said.  
  
Beaming, she strolled towards the kitchen table and offered Chandler a seat. When he'd sat down, she removed two chilled champagne glasses from the freezer and fresh strawberries from the refrigerator.  
  
"This is for you," she said, handing him a glass filled with champagne. "And this is for me."  
  
"Sparkling cider?" he asked, beginning to realize his wife's news. "Monica, are you...?"  
  
"Pregnant," she finished, after making herself comfortable on her husband's lap.  
  
"Yes."  
  
She smiled, nodded, fed him a strawberry and then kissed him.  
  
"Sweetheart, that's wonderful!" Chandler said. "When are you due? How far along are you? Are you okay? Is the baby okay? Tell me everything!"  
  
Monica laughed and hugged him.  
  
"I will, I promise. But right now, let's just enjoy the moment."  
  
"I'll be able to as soon as I know that everything's okay and that it's all right that you're pregnant."  
  
"It's fine. The doctor said I'm healthy, and that if my handsome husband takes excellent care of me, I should have a normal pregnancy."  
  
"You know I will, Monica," Chandler said, relishing the idea of pampering his wife and their baby.  
  
"I know," she said, caressing his cheek. "That's why I told my doctor the baby and I are in wonderful, capable hands."  
  
Monica rested against Chandler, loving the feel of being close to him. He linked his fingers with hers and then he brought their hands to Monica's still flat tummy.  
  
"It won't be long, sweetheart," she told him and then smiled, "before you'll be able to feel the baby kick."  
  
"I want to experience all of it," he told her, his tone serious. "I don't want to miss out on anything."  
  
"You are going to be the best father."  
  
"I hope I will be because I have no doubt our baby will have the best mother."  
  
"I love you."  
  
"I love you, too, Monica. I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. I know our child is only going to add to that love."  
  
**  
  
A week away from her due date, Monica supervised Rachel and Phoebe as they cooked Thanksgiving dinner. Monica and Chandler insisted everyone attend, including Monica's parents and Chandler's mother.  
  
In between making the dessert, a trifle without the beef this time, Rachel couldn't help but to admire the diamond solitaire Ross had given her. The proposal, two months earlier at the Planetarium, had taken her somewhat by surprise, but she had readily accepted and had never been happier. A summer wedding was on the horizon.  
  
Monica had just announced that dinner was ready when her water broke. Monica and Chandler had rehearsed so many times, at Monica's insistence, that they remained calm while the others when into hyper-panic mode.  
  
Chandler never left Monica's side. He wiped her brow and soothed her in between the hard and painful contractions. He fed her ice chips and rubbed her shoulders and back when she would allow him to touch her.   
  
"You're doing great, Mon," he encouraged her.  
  
"So are you," she said.  
  
She managed to give him a weak smile. He kissed her forehead right before another contraction hit. She squeezed his hand and followed his coaching.  
  
"You're just about there," the doctor announced.  
  
With Chandler holding her hand, two orderlies wheeled Monica into the delivery room where a nurse waited.  
  
"Stay with me, Chandler," Monica said. "No matter what happens, don't leave me."  
  
"I won't, sweetheart. I'm going to be right here. And you are going to be fine."  
  
"I can't believe we've kept part of my pregnancy a secret from everyone," she said.   
  
Chandler smiled. "I know. Are you ready, my darling wife? Are you ready to bring our twins into the world?"  
  
"Yes," Monica said, her eyes filling with tears. "I've never been more ready for anything in my life."  
  
**  
  
"You guys," Rachel said, hugging the proud parents of Vanessa Catherine and Vincent Chandler Bing after Judy, Jack and Nora had visited, "I can't believe you didn't tell us."  
  
"We wanted it to be a surprise," Chandler said.  
  
"It certainly was," Ross said. "We should've known. You two have a knack for keeping secrets. But congratulations! My niece and nephew are adorable."  
  
"Thanks. We kept waiting for someone to comment on Monica's size, and when no one did, we decided not to say anything."  
  
"That was kinda mean," Joey said and then laughed. "No offense, Mon, but do you really think any of us would've commented on how fat you were getting?"  
  
Monica laughed. "I guess not."  
  
"You guys are sooo lucky," Phoebe said wistfully. "I can't wait until I give birth and can actually keep the baby or babies."  
  
"You will, Pheebs," Chandler said, snaking his arm around her waist and kissing her cheek. "Zach thinks you're wonderful. He talks about you all the time."  
  
A light shade of red tinted Phoebe's cheeks. "We are having a good time. Maybe he'll get the hint at Rachel and Ross' wedding."  
  
"As long as I don't have to propose to anyone," Joey said, "it's all good."  
  
"You gonna be available to baby-sit?" Monica teased.  
  
"Umm...sure," Joey said, scratching his head. "But let's wait until they're a lot older, okay, Mon? And maybe only one at a time?"  
  
"And maybe Monica and I won't really go out so if you need anything, we'll be right across the hall."  
  
"Yeah, baby, that'll work!"  
  
"Come on, you guys," Ross said. "I can tell Mon is getting tired."  
  
**  
"You should go home and get some rest, too," Monica said to Chandler, once they were alone. "We need to take advantage of this down time."  
  
"I need to finish the babies' room, too. I have to set up Vincent's things."  
  
"Vanessa is older by five minutes, twenty-three seconds. Think she'll ever let her brother forget that?"  
  
"No," Chandler said and laughed. "But it's okay. It'll be good for Vincent to be reminded that his sister is older than him."  
  
"I hope they get along."  
  
"How could they not? They're going to have the best parents. Ever."  
  
As if on cue, the nurse brought in Vanessa and Vincent. She handed Vanessa to Chandler and Vincent to Monica.  
  
"Bonding time."  
  
Chandler sat down on the edge of Monica's bed and held Vanessa so Monica could see her tiny, still slightly red face while Chandler was able to view his dark-haired son.  
  
"I have a question for you, Daddy," Monica said.  
  
"What's that, Mommy?"  
  
"Did this do anything to change your opinion of Thanksgiving?"  
  
Chandler chuckled; Vanessa stirred within the safety of his arms. "Oh yeah. I have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. Because of you, sweetheart."  
  
"Not just me," Monica said and looked heavenward. "I think Angel Emma had something to do with this, too."  
  
Chandler smiled. "I agree."  
  
"Gonna write a story?"  
  
"Yes, I am."  
  
"What are you going to title it?"  
  
"I'm going to call it 'The One Where Daddy Has Four Beautiful Reasons to Give Thanks'."  
  
Monica smiled and pulled him gently towards her for a kiss.  
  
"Sounds like a winner to me."  
  
THE END!! :)  
  
Thanks so very much for reading and reviewing all the way through! :)  
  
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! 


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